J Parker

Of course they didn’t seriously look at anyone outside of their own building. Of course they chose a new HC that no other team in the Universe was considering. They saved a bunch of money doing it that way too. They shopped for a Head Coach like the rest of us shop for auto insurance. They continually show us exactly who they are. I’m not sure why we refuse to believe them. Let’s remember how we got here… Presumably disgusted with the playoff loss to the Packers, Jerry let McCarthy walk the plank in the final year of his deal with no assurances of returning… then Jerry spent most of the season acting FURIOUS over the job McCarthy was doing… then… Jerry tried to bring McCarthy back!! WTF? Then… Jerry COULD NOT get McCarthy to come back. Double WTF’s. There was no plan? Then the plan on the fly was to retain McCarthy?? Then that plan failed?? And actually, it kinda sounds like McCarthy might’ve thrown up the peace sign as he walked away from the dumpster explosion in slow motion. He might’ve decided he’d rather go back to that coaching barn they found him in than go through any of this BS again. So after that exceptionally bizarre divorce, we all got excited to varying degrees over the biggest names out there — Ben Johnson, Mike Vrabel, Aaron Glenn, Kliff Kingsbury, Kellen Moore, Robert Saleh, Pete Carroll, Bill Belichick, Deion Sanders, Jason Witten… What a list! Plenty to discuss and debate there. Surely they’ll get a good one and get this thing headed in a new direction. Um. Nope. Same exact direction. Turns out proximity to McCarthy’s empty office was the most important factor in their extensive search. They simply don’t value the head coaching role like real organizations do. They watched Switzer win a Super Bowl while eating hot dogs on the sideline. How hard can it be? We need to be honest with ourselves. The Dallas Cowboys are not a serious franchise. They’re a brand. A popular brand. But a brand that lacks substance, because as we all know the North Star that guides them is a dollar sign, not a Lombardi Trophy. Cowboys fans are trapped in a business deal. They’re stuck in a Bill Murray Groundhog Day loop where their team isn’t ever a serious contender but at least their owner travels in only the finest luxury helicopters. Jerry Jones now owns the longest NFC title game drought in the conference. It was 1996 when the Cowboys were last there. I believe Warren Moon was still in the league that season. He’s 68 now. After years of the same painful results, instead of finally reaching a breaking point and leaning into a significant culture change that might spark a tiny molecule of hope for Cowboys fans — Jerry raced in on roller skates and violently swatted that crazy notion into the stands like he was Dikembe Mutombo all jacked up on Mountain Dew. Jerry decided that there is absolutely no reason for anything to change. It’s cut and paste time, baby! It’s time for more of the exact same thing. It’s time for yet another season of the fan base’s familiar zombie march to mediocrity followed by high fives and fist pumps in the owner’s suite over another bloated Forbes valuation. Overshown can’t wear #0 because Jerry says Rowdy the sideline muppet has dibs. Cowboys players are begging him to put up curtains in his stadium because they can’t see past intense cornea-scorching solar flares at key moments, but that would be admitting a design flaw. The best available coaches aren’t of interest to the Cowboys because Jerry wants to be the face of the brand. The ruler. The decider. It is what it is.