If we have to watch your engagement/wedding play out on social media, it‘s only right that your divorce will too. Fair is fair. I don’t make the rules!!! – at Palm Springs, CA

Relevant again

If you love Euphoria you love drugs there I said it

Me: Drunk. Disheveled. Sprinting to my gate. Vogue Magazine:

If I die don’t delete my Instagram

I want Ashlyn Harris to kick me in the face

I wish I was a dog so I could just lay around all day and people tell me how cute I am – at Los Angeles, CA

Me out of college 5 years later: dk if I’ll ever pay off college. College: Hey jw if we can have some more money to give us for no reason?

I hate to brag but my Instagram post is doing 95% percent better than my recent posts – at British Virgin Islands

I do believe Jesse’s Mullet was a hate crime. – at Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco

I stopped smoking weed and transformed from ‘piece of shit’ to ‘complete asshole.’ – at Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco

You can fuck me over a million times and I’ll forgive you, but if you unfollow me on instagram you’re dead to me.

Just spent a half hour perfecting a very thoughtful email and I got a response back within minutes that read: “I know... thanks...” well FUCK YOU TOO!

If it wasn’t for Facebook how would I know the birthday of someone I got acid from at a music festival 10 years ago??

I will like any selfie I see even if it sucks idk I’m just generous in that way

Dog owners: imagine if you were trying to take a shit while someone who claims to love you was choking you by your neck.

I feel like I can relate with Jesus Christ because after this holiday season my body is now also made of bread.

I’m guessing people who “love winter” probably don’t have seasonal back acne. – at West Hollywood, CA