Paul Welsh

On metro north today a My Cousin Vinny-style couple was arguing. It ended when the lady said the man was “a bad person” & he laughed incredulously and walked away saying “ok, Kristina, tell that to all the texts I get on my birthday.”

Arrest the cops who killed #BreonnaTaylor

These brilliant women have created three detailed lesson plans (daily 10/25/45 minute programs) for June as a step one to becoming an active ally to the black community through learning and acting to support. Use it & share it!!!

If you’re looking for a distraction, the ep of @nbcbrooklyn99 that @madelinemwalter and I wrote airs tonight at 830! Directed by @kyrasedgwick who was not only an amazing director but also made certain this photo was well lit. A pro. Hope you guys enjoy!

I am on tonight’s episode of @nbcbrooklyn99. Written by @thejustinnoble. Check it out for a good time at a good time (830pm)!

started reading fiction again and in every book the main character is like hi I’m horny in this hyper specific way & then another character is like well how do you do that’s my thing too let’s love but also slowly destroy one another shall we? it’s terrific no more history for me

Every New Years Eve of my childhood, my parents would dress my brothers and I up in identical suits and we would serve them hors d’oeuvres from 9pm until the ball dropped. I didn’t realize until YEARS later that all children did not do this. A genuinely crazy but very good scam.

On a plane sitting next to a grown woman who just wrote “Barfs” in her scrabble app and when it was accepted had the kind of manic triumph energy that Elaine Bennes had that one time she drove to the airport really fast on Seinfeld

Nat Geo just posted a video of a famous great white shark named Deep Blue that says “she was spotted with a girthy belly leading to pregnancy speculation” and I really deeply hope this is the beginning of National Geographic becoming a tabloid abt animals.

Hello it’s me, a child in a foreign film, I am like a regular child (small/like to play/need a haircut) but my main thing is to sit quietly at the dinner table pulling food apart, chewing, and staring at my parents silently wondering “will I ever grow to understand you?”

thought I had no sense of entitlement until just now on my run when a bee flew straight into my actual mouth and my first rxn was to yell “what right do you have???” as I spit it out.

Hello! @madelinemwalter and I wrote tonight’s episode of @nbcbrooklyn99. It was masterfully directed by @JoeLoTruglio with special guests @claspy and @drewtarver. Working on the show is a dream and I hope watching it is too. Tonight at 9 on nbc if ya nasty

I have never seen it and I never will but I’m here to admit that I improvise what I think the King’s Speech was aloud when I’m stuck in traffic and I’ve been doing it for too many years to stop now i am actually doing fine thank u

Lost my ticket in a parking garage, scrouged up a lightly used one from the trash near the gate that got me out for FREE instead of paying max, and it felt like such a tremendous win until I saw it written out wow

Acquaintance: Hello! Me: *silently*: “no fewer than six years ago you DJ’ed a party and played the men in black theme song what am I supposed to say here that was insane??” *Aloud* “it HAS been too long!!”

Today I was walking down the street trying to finish a smoothie and a few of those loud bottom of the cup sips made the old man in front of me stop, turn, and say “Hey pal! I think ya got it all!” Happy new year only to him.