Whatever kind of high-five you think you're about to do, the other guy is thinking of a different one.
My daughter just showed me a grape that she'd bitten into, and said "Look, I broke this in half with my face. "
When someone says "I don't care what other people think", what they really mean is "I only care what some other people think".
It's nice to see my kids playing old fashioned games like "put a bucket on your little brother's head and hit it with a golf club".
"Answering questions is a sign of weakness. Instead, let me explain all the ways in which your question is dumb" - Every internet forum user
Just did some analysis of my typing technique. Never use my left thumb. Need to start rotating my thumbs so I don't wear out the right one.