thank god i’m tall and funny (23)

london in 11 months | nc, usa
Joined December 2017
my official response to the hate: free palestine and remember you’ll always look hot in a keffiyeh
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i had a table yesterday, full volume mind you, say “LOOK AT YOUR HAIRY LEGS”
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Does Obama not understand that to most Americans the Cheesecake Factory is a very nice and fancy restaurant?
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fun fact: hawaiian is rarely used in academic writing to refer to nonindigenous hawaii residents. a more interesting term is Kamaʻāina, which means “hawaii resident” and is used regardless of race
Outside of Indiana, a severe lack of imagination in names
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wtf is happening at bar trivia ?
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i’ll never be a famous twitter guy, i like argueing in the comments too much
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attempting to grow my hair out like this again
fun fact: this is the first selfie i ever took on grindr. before i thought you could only upload photos to the app
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What if there was a dictatorship but it was run by a nice guy
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bro i just wanna write a poem wth
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i don’t think “you can see everything” should be nominated for best supporting actress because i don’t think her performance was award-worthy
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need a boyfriend that cries
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you can see everything: worst takeaway: Billy is good and cool bad takeaway: Elizabeth Holmes innocent! okay takeaway: movie shot good I like pretty movie good takeaway: as an objective truth may exist, we are subjective beings best takeaway: honkeys be crazy 🤣
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amanda seyfried portraying holmes like this and then asserting that she did nothing wrong is so tea
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my straight coworkers talking about sucking each others dicks
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gigantic eyeroll
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all my apps are dry as fuck. gonna crawl into a hole of abstinence and never leave
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i think oomf wants to (((kiss))) me
the horniest (positive connotation) thing you can do is draw a picture of an oomf
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“you’ll know if you ask” isn’t that true of all universities?
Tested and confirmed from friends and colleagues around the world. Did we miss anyone?
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watched “primetime” yesterday. why is no one talking about the fact that john quiñones is mentioned in the same way as “stephen strange” in the winter soldier
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what are the odds i can meet him, seduce him, and get him to fall in love. are they greater than 0%?
his fagcent makes me horny
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