patrick wells (@pwells) header
patrick wells (@pwells) profile picture

big hot strong man with big arm muscle

Joined July 2011
perfect
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patrick wells retweeted
I’ve got a great idea… Just rename this app to ‘HATE’
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Every movie is a horror movie. I don't know those people
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There should be an NFL player whose gimmick is he screams in agony every time he's tackled and you don't know if he's gonna make it or not. That would be exciting for the audience
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ask not what your country can do for you ask how you can put 37 trillion dollars on your personal credit card
you can venmo the United States to help pay off the national debt
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patrick wells retweeted
Too many em dashes? What’s next? too much love? too much joy?
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gonna extract some dna and make myself an oops all lincolns jurassic park
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At the end of a movie I read every credit out loud and say "thank you"
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patrick wells retweeted
😂😂😂who up charming th— (remembering I am 34 years old) There are mysteries beneath our feet…
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patrick wells retweeted
At the dentist and they’re telling me they’re gonna kill me. They said they’re about to completely end my shit
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see? i told you guys this would work
Behold osteo-odonto keratoprosthesis. trib.al/ElS7pMX
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Trump calm down
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corey
What do you call it in your language
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pretending to be asleep in the back of a late night uber so my driver has to carry me inside and tuck me in
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i wanna get in there so bad but it’s locked 😔
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biologist here! that crocodile is actually drowning if you jump in and save its life, it will owe you a “crocodile life debt” and will come to your aid whenever you need
Crocodiles in Indonesia have learned to “pretend to drown” in order to lure humans in to the water to eat them 🤯🐊
Readers added context they thought people might want to know
Not true. Crocodiles do not pretend to drown. au.news.yahoo.com/eerie-crocodil…
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for my fantasy football punishment i have to devote myself to weaving joy into the fabric of the world and scatter kindness like petals to the wind
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(Realizing i zoned out for 15 years and have a family now without noticing) (Realizing I never committed my beautiful child's name to memory) You - (forgetting if we have hogs or not but going with my gut feeling) Feed them hogs
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the sport of baseball was invented by Dr. John Baseball in 1975
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