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My daughter just came up to me in a ski mask and said "give me all your money!"
Then she turned around and said "you look broke, I'll try another house" as she promptly walked away.
My 12-year-old told me I'm not allowed to embarrass her by dancing to katseye outside her school but then she walked in with blue food coloring from a cupcake all around her lips so joke's on her. 🤪
Tiff Tiff Tifferoo retweeted
Am I the only one who has a playlist entitled, "to be played upon my death"?
My daughter just leveled up on me. I asked her if she wanted to wear "these clothes" and without looking she says "What is deez? Deez NUTS?!"
I gave her a fist bump and in that moment it felt like coming-of-age ceremony.
Tiff Tiff Tifferoo retweeted
[rams into your shopping cart in the bread aisle]: hey did you unfollow me on Twitter by accident
When that strain hits just right and the chronic pain and brain fog let up and the energy flows and you feel like a real person again for a minute. The vibes are priceless.
NASA-backed scientists turn plastic waste into edible cookies | ScienceDaily share.google/dnuXZ0m1UQnSZBh…
There's a new @Yellowcard album and it makes my lil Xennial heart so happy. – at Jenison, MI
It's hard to explain chronic fatigue syndrome if you haven't experienced it but it's not just feeling run-down or regular tired all the time.
It's like I've got 14 miles to E and my house is 15 miles away and I'm too exhausted to pump gas, so the only option is to park behind the gas station and sleep in my car for an hour or two and hope nobody calls the cops because they think I might be dead.
For an example. – at Jenison, MI
To @edsheeran...
WOW. Amazing show last night at @fordfield. I expected to be blown away by your raw talent. I did not expect the absolute best use of pyrotechnics of any concert I've ever attended. Including Metallica. Thank you for blessing Detroit with your presence.
11 out of 10.






