Comedian living in Austin, TX. Mother’s Maiden name is Hill.
Austin, TX
Joined November 2012
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Andrew Murphy and I’m Sticking To It! retweeted
Here it is!!!
Our latest feature article in @AustinChronicle !!
Featuring input from @shutupMurphy
@dustinsvehlak
@raminnazer
& @HeliumComedy
austinchronicle.com/arts/202…
Cockroaches are scary as hell ‘cause they can hear you. They combine my two greatest fears: Insects and being caught by the person you’re talking shit about.
Andrew Murphy and I’m Sticking To It! retweeted
Congrats to Sam Elliott for making @shutupMurphy's Power of the Dog take look way less problematic now podcasts.apple.com/us/podcas…
If the Texas freeze prevents me from seeing Jackass tomorrow night I am suing the state for war crimes. Yeah, AGAIN.
Sometimes you don’t even have to watch something know it’s totally Epic sauce. Which is why I’m choosing to skip this one.
If woke culture has spread to ‘We must protect Pete Davidson from verbal assault’ then it is back to the drawing board folks.
Hey guys, 900 different ways to cancel Kanye if you really want. Unfortunately this ain’t it. Hilarious.
4 months ago I thought there would never be a more boring beef than Drake v. Kanye. Behold, from the ashes rose Young v. Rogan. Never short of amazed at white people’s ability to appropriate.
Andrew Murphy and I’m Sticking To It! retweeted
Dear @nflcommish
Please adopt college football overtime rules. Every single person outside of Kansas City wishes Josh Allen had the ball in his hands right now.
As a Patriots fan I benefited from this rule a few years ago. I knew it stunk then. My father hates me. Thank you.
Andrew Murphy and I’m Sticking To It! retweeted
wanna reiterate this because i’ve seen people defend the overtime format for no reason. it sucks. i’d trade my team taking the loss tonight if it meant getting rid of it. i want sports to be a short stupid recess from the arbitrary unfairness of the world, not a simulation of it
I just scrolled so far Twitter just stopped showing me tweets. A baffling new low in a life full of misses. Go 49ers!
Andrew Murphy and I’m Sticking To It! retweeted
This is adding up to a possble Buffalo Bills home AFC championship game. Not enough beer in the world
