I also think we're uncomfortable w/ the possibility that suffering can fundamentally change someone w/o making them wiser, kinder, or stronger. We want trauma to produce some compensating benefit so the suffering was “worth it,” but unfortunately that’s not always the case

I think relationships give ppl social credibility that single ppl have to establish individually. Being chosen is treated as evidence that you're desirable, stable, capable of commitment, etc. So ppl outsource their sense of adulthood to someone else's willingness to be with them