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Steve vs. Ninjas

@stevevsninjas

Former zygote. Mastodon @stevevsninjas@ohai.social

 Oregon, USA
teapaw.org/stevevsninjas/timelines/1118661557691535366
Joined February 2012
  • Tweets31.5K
  • Following457
  • Followers11.8K
311Media
Photo by Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas)Photo by Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas)Photo by Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas)Photo by Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas)Photo by Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas)Photo by Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas)Photo by Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas)Photo by Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas)Photo by Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas)Photo by Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas)
1.Rage Against The Machine 2.Hold A Grudge Against The Machine 3.Get Over The Machine 4.Sincerely Hope The Machine Finds Happiness
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Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas) profile picture
Steve vs. Ninjas@stevevsninjas8 Oct 2018
Clark Kent: *sets glasses on kitchen table* Lois Lane: Is that our table? I don't recognize it.
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marf (@MarfSalvador) profile picture
marf@MarfSalvador16 Sep 2020
realtor: what do you think me: it's a bit small realtor: *puts peen away* so she was right
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Me: I want a dice. Clerk: The correct term is 'die'. Me: I want 2 die. Clerk: Plural is dice, alone it's die. Me: I want 2 die alone.
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Jon (@ArfMeasures) profile picture
Jon@ArfMeasures26 Jul 2018
Me: I might give this money to that homeless guy Wife: Do you want it wasted on fast food and alcohol? Me: No Wife: Then give it to the homeless guy
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Woke up thinking about this tweet. Who wrote it? Cop: i told you this land is off limits Me: oh i thought you said it was all flimits Cop: wtf are flimits Me: idk let's go look Cop: ok
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something I ♥️ about late summer🌞 is gathering blackberries!
Image from Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas)
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sydney (@demiurgently) profile picture
sydney
@demiurgentlyMay 10
asking “is there a private place to breastfeed” as an excuse to get into weird typically closed off parts of buildings. its called dark motherhood u wouldnt get it…
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jo (@whatsJo) profile picture
jo@whatsJo2 Mar 2019
me, as a child: *walks into the kitchen covered in my own blood holding a rabbit I fought from a hawk* my mom, on the phone: *mouthing* I’m on the phone
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Carol Roth (@caroljsroth) profile picture
Carol Roth
@caroljsroth31 May 2025
Giving away a bed frame on FB marketplace- hilarious and a perfect encapsulation of online interactions 😂🤣
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𝔭𝔭 (@athleisure_monk) profile picture
𝔭𝔭@athleisure_monk3 Jun 2016
scully: victim died of multiple stab wounds mulder: *throws her a file* ever heard of the knife alien
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Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas) profile picture
Steve vs. Ninjas@stevevsninjas4 Nov 2017
Stephen King: can u pitch my story to yr producer friend? Sean Connery: yesh King: don't fuck this up, it's called the sawsank redempsion
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Dan Nouement (@nomanautomata) profile picture
Dan Nouement
@nomanautomata13 Aug 2024
When I find myself in times of trouble Tinnitus it comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, "Eeeeeeeeeeee"
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Conajam (@conajam) profile picture
Conajam@conajam14 Jun 2019
interviewer: you have a 3 year gap on your resume that just says “vengeance” me: interviewer: me: you don’t remember me do you?
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Schmrrrlex (@alexlumaga) profile picture
Schmrrrlex@alexlumaga16 Mar 2024
I just realized it’s called a “quart” because it’s a quarter of a gallon. fuck
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Today I finally told my kids that St Patrick isn't real, and it's been me putting the snakes under their pillows all these years.
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Receptionist: who left a dirty coffee cup in the sink? Mino? Minotaur: I KNOW THE CONTOURS OF A THOUSAND DANK PASSAGES, YET YOU THINK THE WHEREABOUTS OF MY OWN CUP ELUDE ME? Receptionist: it says "I'm a-mazed by you" Minotaur: haha o yea Kristi got me that for our anniversary
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[Funeral] Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?" Widow: "Please do" Me *clears throat: "Plethora!" Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."
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Jon (@ArfMeasures) profile picture
Jon@ArfMeasures12 Jan 2021
*takes bite of Pringle* yes *nods at date then waiter* we'll have the tube
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dune 2? yeah I'm into dune 2: dune 2 others as you would have them dune 2 you
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RichNeville (@RichNeville) profile picture
RichNeville@RichNeville31 Jan 2019
Found something new to say when I leave a room.
Image from RichNeville (@RichNeville)
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