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Can we just assume that I mean "left click" unless I specify otherwise? That way you won't have to ask every... single... time.

Please, Sir, let's agree to call it a "C: Drive." The way you say "C-Section" is really creeping me out.

So your issue, ma'am, is that you can't load a specific website - that you admit is pornographic - ever since moving onto a military base?

It's hard not to laugh when callers say "I own a [portable computer] AND a [computer accessory] so I've spent a fortune with this company!"

I love when callers use a phonetic alphabet to help out. "NO! That was 'e' as in 'eye', 'b' as in 'bee', 'p' as in 'phthisis'..."

So what you're saying is that we're stuck using a 9-year-old computer during this call because your kid is playing games on the new laptop?

So, in your language, "My office is located in Texas." is a phrase that translates to "Talk to me about The Cowboys and Rick Perry."

WEP security is so broken, Björk wrote a song about it.

WEP security is so weak, it can be cracked with software easily downloaded on most phones within minutes. No joke here - just fair warning.

WEP security is so weak, Calista Flockhart kicked its ass out of spite.

WEP security has been broken more times than Tiger Woods' wedding vows.

WEP security is so old, Moses used it to encrypt his tablets. This explains why they were so easily broken.

WEP security algorithm is 12 years old this month! That's, like, 103 in Technology Years. Anything that old and popular deserves a roast.

When the first words out of a caller's mouth are "I just have a quick question." I know I'm in for an hour-long call.

Things that are NOT your wireless router: Your AC power brick, other computers, your Apple TV, your cordless phone base, your USB hard drive

I'm concerned for your safety too, ma'am, I just don't think your wireless router puts out much gamma radiation.

"I'm not sure I'm using the right terms here. I have a thingamajig that lets me connect my wireless to the electrical circuit in the house."

Good thinking, ma'am. On top of the microwave is the perfect place for your wireless router! Does the name 'Faraday' ring any bells?

Ma'am, I know it's called a "Magic Mouse," but believe me, it still runs on batteries.