Mark Campbell (@themarkcampbell) header
Mark Campbell (@themarkcampbell) profile picture

Mark Campbell

@themarkcampbell

Second City etc 43, 44.5, and 45. Second City TourCo. Improvised Shakespeare Company. More cookie than man. he/him/his #FreeMohawk

 Chicago
linktr.ee/NationalResourcesList
Joined November 2010
  • Tweets3.5K
  • Following510
  • Followers1.1K
106Media
Photo by Mark Campbell (@themarkcampbell)Photo by Mark Campbell (@themarkcampbell)Photo by Mark Campbell (@themarkcampbell)Photo by Mark Campbell (@themarkcampbell)Photo by Mark Campbell (@themarkcampbell)Photo by Mark Campbell (@themarkcampbell)Photo by Mark Campbell (@themarkcampbell)Photo by Mark Campbell (@themarkcampbell)Photo by Mark Campbell (@themarkcampbell)Photo by Mark Campbell (@themarkcampbell)
I'll always remember the week @TGIFridays broke my heart. teapaw.org/i/moments/896127144094…
8
13
3
52
Imitation is the sincerest form of crab meat
10
89
I don’t make fun of people for wearing band shirts to concerts, but I ROAST anyone for using an airline branded backpack at the airport. Oh you like United? Name three of their albums.
4
Standing at the finish line of the Chicago marathon with a sign that says “Your work isn’t done, run to the polls and GO VOTE!”
1
26
I believe people are inherently good, but that goes out the window when someone tells me I need to swipe my credit card again.
3
I can't believe it's already time to Fall into Fashion! It feels like it was just time to Spring into Savings!
1
9
I wish they made a cologne of the smell of the first time you turn on your furnace.
3
11
Tired: Live every day like it’s your last Wired: Live every day like you’re a Jimmy John’s bike delivery guy
1
4
I love using the phrase “back during the pandemic” even though I still have to take Covid tests just to go to work.
8
I just apologized to a low-flow toilet for using the wrong type of flush. So, no. I’ve never been in a fight.
2
1
36
If I haven’t spoken to someone in more than two days, I start my text by giving a detailed explanation of who I am.
2
6
If I ever talk about using “the good silverware” I just mean the spoons that aren’t bent from scooping ice cream.
7
My mouthwash says it has “ZERO alcohol” and I’m like “ok, do you at least have some THC? I’m trying to get ready for work here”
10
It's funny, I used to hate vacuuming as a kid. But now I hate vacuuming as an adult.
1
3
40
Whenever a parking lot is underneath a grocery store I call that the “Mariano’s trench”
19
I love when politicians being interviewed say “it’s easy to go to politics…” like it’s not in their fucking JOB TITLE.
Sky News (@SkyNews) profile pictureSky News
@SkyNews26 May 2022
"Why only in America?" US Senator Ted Cruz walks away from @Stone_SkyNews after being asked if "this is the moment to reform gun laws" trib.al/nmOJAT8 #TedCruz #America #Texasshooting #gunlaws

'Why only in America?'

2
4
“It’s easy to make all these houses burning down about fire. But what am I supposed to do? I’m just a firefighter!”
3
Every time I see two dogs play fighting I’m like “Stop! Please! There’s plenty of me to go around!”
1
I think the worst time to for a fly to land on you is right after someone calls you a piece of shit.
17
We’re truly living in the golden era of using the term “golden era”
2
The rule should be: If you rearrange your entire day based around getting a free meal, you don’t have to pay taxes.
8

No more items