tina li

The world is gutting and I am casual about it. Why freak out? It's all so obvious yet so absurd. Sisyphus shoulda worn his cleats. A poverty of imagination.

Sometimes people write me long emails instead of asking short questions here. Mostly I delete them without reading them. You have to understand the venue. My email is a closed channel. I just got a long email that was worth answering, mostly because I had to think about it. So, I answered it and pretended it was asked here. Now I post it here. The email was a list of reasons about why the writer felt bad. And I responded: "Feelings, yeah. Sometimes it isn't about feelings. You felt awful at home, now you feel awful there. So what? I also feel awful. What did we expect? We will feel better again eventually and then feel worse again. You can't talk yourself out of feelings and you can't avoid them. Fact. But there's also thinking and doing. Acknowledge your feelings and then go do some stuff. See the sights and learn some things. Today I'm having trouble standing up and keeping food down. Big deal. I am also writing a section of a long poem about sea monsters. It isn't always about how you feel. Sometimes it's about what you think and do while you're feeling awful. You want things, like comfort, that aren't being offered. You're disappointed. Or worse. The trick is to take the opportunities to feel good when they present themselves. They're not presenting themselves right now. Also, you *are* an outcast, and unrooted. But not a fraud. Be a nomad or a spy. Take the best advantage of what could be disadvantages. Sometimes the best we can do is not lose too much ground. "What did you do during the worst part of your life?" They will ask you that. You will ask yourself that. Don't waste the days just because they're awful. I want to taste all the flavors of ice cream, not just my favorite ones. Some of them taste like blood and dirt. Big deal."