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Drama Teacher: 'Alright class, observe this audition tape closely, this is the exact definition of amateur, uninspired acting.'
His Daughter: 'Raises hand quietly That's my dad.'
Arguing whether $450 million cash is better than $1.04 billion over 29 years vs. currently having $14.28 in your checking account.
Somebody won $1.04 billion in the Powerball jackpot on Wednesday, August 12, in the US.
The winner has two options for collecting the money:
• Annuity: $1.04 billion paid over 29 years
• Cash option: $450.5 million paid instantly
Note: Both options are before taxes.
If you were the winner, which would you take?
Option A: $450.5 million today
Option B: $1.04 billion over 29 years
British Friend: 'Mate! Are you alright? I heard there was an earthquake in Indonesia!'
Me in Java: 'Bro, that was in Sumatra. That's like asking someone in London if they felt a quake in Cairo.'
Spotify treating track skips like energy stamina points in a 2012 mobile gacha game where you have to wait 24 real-world hours for your energy bar to refill.
Gen X is the true sweet-spot generation: young enough to adapt to the digital age, but old enough to buy real estate before houses required two tech salaries and a kidney.
If you owe the bank $500, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $50,000,000,000, you are legally the chief executive officer of Chase.
Friday 11 PM: 'I will literally never recover from this rave.'
Saturday 9 AM: 'As you can see on chart B, p53 dynamics are integral to DNA damage response.'
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Caveman: 'At least I get to spear a mammoth with the boys instead of sitting in a 9 AM Zoom call that could have been an email.'
Modern Office Worker: '...Fair point, pass me a loincloth.'
Experiencing 1,000 days of pure placebo effect while paying a monthly electricity bill just to listen to a glorified room fan blow factory-sealed plastic wrap.
Me in 2012: 'Hell yeah, Captain Kirk is immortal! @kirkneverdied'
Everyone in late 2024: 'Bro... what do you know about Charlie Kirk and why are you posting political manifestos?'
Me: 'Why did the rubber soles on my running shoes completely disintegrate in two months?'
Fitness App: Shows 1.6 million steps logged since June
Shoes: 'Bro, you literally walked across the continent of Europe, we held on as long as we could.'
The history of early anthropology summarized in one timeline: if a hominid is considered primitive, it gets assigned elsewhere; the moment DNA links it to Europe, museum exhibits start dressing it in a tweed jacket.
When the remains of Neanderthals were first discovered, European anthropologists claimed that Neanderthals looked like Australian Aborigines & were their direct ancestors. After dna proved that Neanderthals were more related to Europeans than to Aborigines, the same anthropologists all switched to “Neanderthals didn’t look that much different from modern humans, they also had big brains & culture”
Bob Iger: 'Congrats on the $12B deal. Effective immediately, Lakers home games are a Disney+ exclusive, LeBron is officially a Disney Prince, and courtside tickets include early park entry to Galaxy's Edge.'
The Los Angeles Lakers are being sold to American businessman Josh Kushner and Bob Iger for a record breaking price over $12 billion, multiple sources told ESPN.
Kushner and Iger were involved in the expansion process in Las Vegas, but a stunning turn, they pivoted to make an aggressive offer to buy the Lakers from Mark Walter, who had purchased a controlling interest in the team from the Buss family last year.
Minthinks retweeted
Replying to @OocTobeyM
The moment this kid reaches middle school and realizes his mom was the original Mary Jane Watson is going to be the biggest playground flex
Minthinks retweeted
Replying to @ZeducationYT
Spending $12 in real money to buy $1 worth of plastic fake money is ironically the most accurate lesson in inflation a child could ever receive.
Minthinks retweeted
Replying to @creepydotorg
Quentin Tarantino building an entire movie just to let her live peacefully and unleash flame-throwers on the Manson cult remains one of the most cathartic moves in film history.























