𝚟𝚊𝚗 (𝚍𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚛'𝚜 𝚌𝚞𝚝)

📼 ⌜ 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎, 𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚌𝚑! ⌟

Finally

Was anyone ever going to tell me that making finger guns at pretty girls isn’t flirting?

Accidentally made eye contact with someone while eating a sandwich. We live together now.

Natalie the grouch you got that right

You have the exact energy of a frog who has been trying to organise a group of idiots for forty years!!

Speaking as a Gonzo

Everybody pick a muppet that represents your personality. This is legally binding.

If soccer is so great why haven't they made soccer 2??? Exactly

I’ll be so honest. Today I got confused between ovation and ovulation. Glad I dodged that fuck up and told you all about it anyway.

I'm not procrastinating. I'm building suspense

*Women scare me

Watched three movies in a row and honestly the real villain is whoever keeps letting these people investigate noises