Long guns aka rifles were involved in 401 deaths last year, constipation killed 911 which means being full of shit is 2x more likely to kill you than the AR15
Earlier today, Optimus Sub Prime was struck down by a rogue Roomba hopped up on Fritos, dental floss, and pumpkin seeds.
He is survived by his longtime partner, Ms. Toaster, who works the morning shift at the nearby Hampton Inn, and his young blender son.
According to the laws of war, now that I have voted, I may purchase eggnog.
Only people who hate children, puppies and old people don’t like eggnog.
It’s my tradition after voting to go and have a large lunch.
That way later when considering the awful choices I had to make, I have something to barf up.
Being me on my recent work trip, I happened upon a local coffee roaster and their shop. Always up for new ways to get the shakes, I popped in for a double espresso. Got to yakking with the owner, helped them with some point-of-sale issues, and they gifted me a couple bags of their private reserve dark roast. Very dark, very bold, and very strong. Earlier today I brewed up some of this nuclear crack and downed it.
Me right right:
Lady at work got herself into a mess on a contract, I was in town so I swung by and helped her fix it. She knows I have a weakness for Milk Duds and bought me 4 boxes as a thank you. She gave me strict instructions that two boxes should return home with me for later…. I texted her the following from the plane… she laughed so hard she almost peed her pants.
Not nearly enough people speak of the benefits of eating dried grapes.
It needs to change we all need to support raisin awareness…..
I find that speaking Spanish to the Hispanic staff really brightens their day. I always try to work the word mucho into most anything I say.
I really means a lot to them.
Was with a client VP at lunch and he invited me to his house for dinner, we were next to a Costco so I offered to pay for the steaks and stuff.
On our way out we grab hotdogs…
Sitting there eating he starts laughing and choking on his food….
Him: “well you fucked me in the negotiations and now you got a Weiner in my mouth”
The lady sitting next time me at the food court got a big smile
Last year I got artificial lens in my eyes.. been awesome but I noticed something, my eyes can get out of sync.
Just at to cover one, get it to lock..... then cover that one get the other to lock, then look with both.
You may refer to me as Mr Roboto...