funny tweet boy

For sale Baby shoes Fresh as hell

J. Jonah Jameson: PARKER!! Get me photos of Spider-Man! Parker Posey: How did you get this number? JJJ: That web-head is a menace!

The hardest part of climbing the Astro-Crag was encountering the frozen remains of those who didn't survive the journey.

Enter men's room, see guy who just flushed urinal, but now urinal is overflowing. water everywhere. Then say, "urinal lotta trouble, mister"

That's me in the corner That's me in the spotlight Eating my roast pigeon

Does The Sandlot take place in the same universe as Frank Herbert's Dune?

Hi, I'm @kairyssdal and it's time to do the numbers (music starts). I ate seven apples today.

General: mr. president, this could mean war. the stakes are enormous. Trump: mine are bigger. General: ? Trump: buy them at sharper image.

Fun fact: when #morningjoe is angry, he can kill trees with his mind. 🤗

One day, you're gonna find out how the hell they made that green ketchup #TuesdayMotivation

One day, you will save enough from those Bojangle's paychecks and you're gonna buy your kids back from that bridge troll #TuesdayMotivation

No better way to start my day then with #morningjoe and a whiffle ball bat to the head. 😎

I'm gonna turn your nipples into nurples #baddirtytalk

When my time comes, I hope I die from natural causes. Like getting eaten by a moose. 🦄 (there is no moose emoji) #TuesdayMotivation

#Gotham ??? I've GOT more HAM than I know what to do with! 🐷🐷🐷 lolololololol but also the Joker murdered my family with a hatchet.

Canada will be renamed "Ice Michigan" #AsSoonAsIRunThings

#AsSoonAsIRunThings robots will take care of vile husbandly duties, leaving me all the time I need to cross-stitch! 🤗

Whoever came up with those buttery-ass popcorn-flavored jelly beans should be put to death. 😤 #AsSoonAsIRunThings

Loser In The Sky With Diamonds #TrumpTheBeatles

Paperback Ghostwriter #TrumpTheBeatles