Don't give out cans of soda this Halloween. There's still time to get real treats!
Those f'ers are heavy to carry around!
Did you have free reign over your Halloween candy as a kid? My parents rationed out ours - we were still eating candy at Christmas
Jono retweeted
I have to share because I can’t get over it. My nephew is 4 and heard a little girl at school call something, “Mrs. Butt.” He said, “Why did she say sins?” Then he’s munching on Pringles and said, “These chips are Mrs. Butt.” 😂😭
Emptied the dishwasher and the cutlery compartment was all spoons. All spoons?!
Shout out to any all spoons people out there 🤜🤛
Went to a customer's office today. I mentioned Halloween and they asked if I brought any candy.
I said that's not the way this works - I'm the trick or treater in this situation. Then I TP'd the place on my way out
Jono retweeted
For fifty eight years, my boss in Tokyo believed that beef should be sliced as thin as paper.
In Japan, we cook thin meat for four seconds in boiling broth. That is our way.
Then last month, the YouTube algorithm showed Director Sato a video of a man in Texas smoking a brisket.
It changed his life.
On Monday morning, he called me to his desk. His eyes were bloodshot.
"Have you seen this?" he whispered, turning his monitor toward me. "The American pitmaster does not sleep for sixteen hours. He sits by the fire in the dark. He guards the meat like a castle."
I said, "Sir, it is just a barbecue."
He slammed his hand on the desk.
"This is not cooking," he said. "This is a vigil."
Last Saturday was our annual company picnic by the river in Kanagawa. Normally, we grill thin meat and yakisoba for two hours and go home at 2:00 PM.
I arrived at 9:30 AM to help set up.
Director Sato was already there.
I want to be accurate here: he had been sitting in a folding chair since 10:00 PM on Friday night. He was wearing a towel around his head and staring at a massive black barrel smoker he had imported from Oklahoma.
Inside I said: THIS MAN HAS ABANDONED CORPORATE LIFE FOR THE SMOKE.
When we tried to help him, he held up a pair of metal tongs and clicked them twice.
"Step back," he said calmly. "The stall has begun. Nobody opens the lid."
Twelve Japanese accountants stood in complete silence around a barrel for four more hours. Nobody dared to eat a single noodle until he gave the signal.
At 1:45 PM, he sliced the meat. It fell apart on the cutting board.
My boss looked at the pink smoke ring, nodded once, and wiped a single tear from his cheek.
He has already submitted an official budget request for a trailer smoker for next fiscal year.
So far today has been filled with pain and regret. Mostly about not being more careful when I zipped up my fly this morning
Jono retweeted
This weekend, the United States should turn their clocks back to the Obama Administration.
I want to go to the hospital in Green Bay. Christian Watson left in the ambulance and was back on the field in just over an hour #TNF
Jono retweeted
Replying to @Smyth94ever @SLShockeyfan
How long until we can get meme or gif tattoos? I would get this one.












