chaosjim

i could probably make a bear stop attacking me by showing it my tender loving heart and empathetic energy

your honor i apologize im about to go beast mode

i think anyone with a lifted a truck and those led headlights should get gently lowered into a pot of acid. maybe just their balls would even be okay

do you feel that? thousands of people are currently approaching you

*pointing to the maggots in your heart* you gonna eat those

making bad decisions for lore reasons

if only america was real

today’s agenda: survive

idc about your facts and logic, i choose to believe this because it’s just so much funnier

yeah im chasing the dragon, yes i know ill never catch it again, it's really just for the love of the game

grandma's sweater: +2 warmth, -4 style, immunity to shame

unexpected item in the baggage area? 😂 yeah ive heard that before

it’s okay to stand up for yourself and sometimes to just sit down for yourself because you’re tired

there should be a tutorial for being

life is short. finish the side quest. skip the dentist. reconsider the dentist actually it hurts when i drink cold water

*gives you the hot shoulder*

got in the elevator and when they asked me what floor I just said “surprise me”