NAM

Your parents are human. If you want them to treat you humanely, address them humanely. I was 14 when we first relocated to the village. Left my father to work in the city as mum tended to the new homestead. She grew increasingly agitated. Very short-tempered. Would lash out at me and my young bro (My elder bro was away in campus). Everything she said, was said at high pitch. So much so, my young bro, who was about 8 at the time started hiding from her. He would follow me everywhere just to be away from her. That's when I knew it had gotten bad. So one night after she'd cooked. I just told her as respectfully as I could, that she'd changed. I said we'd come to a place where both my young bro and I were scared of her because this new shouting her was not something she'd raised us on. Surprisingly, she opened up. Said she felt like we were not helping enough, or had to be pushed to do things: sweep the sheep pen, clean the chicken coop, draw water from the well, which was draining her. And she was not wrong, but for us it was just being silly. Childhood laziness. Shirking. But in that moment, I saw her struggles too. New village, new circumstances, husband far away, not to mention the fear that probably accosted her at night in a new place. Makes you realize they are human too. Just older. Not to mention, we were her entire life now. All friends she had, she left behind. I told her we were sorry. She said she was sorry, would not shout again. Next morning I was up by 6 am doing last night's utensils. Woke bro up by 8 am, handed him broom to sweep verandah and chicken coop. By the time mom was up, we'd pulled water from the well, tied the sheep and cows and swept the pens. Etc. At night, she stood to go check if the gate was closed, I stopped her. Told her I would do it. Before I retreated to my simba (hut), to sleep. Became my responsibility henceforth. There were slipups every once in a while, but the shouting went. So did the hostility. We all did our best to make it work with father away. Parents have very real anxieties they can't always share with us. Be kind. Be respectful. Parent-child relationship is not a battle for supremacy. It's a negotiation, with yourselves and your ever changing circumstances. Be with them what you wish to see in them.