I’m Doctor Samuel Loomis. I have a PHD in neuroscience and I’ve worked with mental patients for 20 years. You have a demon in your town. he’s the fucking devil.
Adam Gilbert retweeted
Cornel West: Now Brother Barney is purple AND green. And even Brother Barney knows class struggle is not a struggle BETWEEN classes, but rather a struggle to eliminate class altogether.
Norm Finklestein: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You would call this reptilian imbecile your brother?
Adam Gilbert retweeted
Drake in 2049 after a woman named Poodie Milk goes viral: 62 years young but i still smile, plus I got Poodie Milk on speed dial
Adam Gilbert retweeted
The internet is so fickle bc Kareem creates the environment for a beautiful moment and a bunch of pricks on here want to use it to dunk on him. People didn’t say “omg Norm really dominated Conan on that one.” Just say cool, what a great moment. Jesus fucking Christ
Adam Gilbert retweeted
Nathan: Do you see why this is funny?
Elizabeth: Yeah he turned himself into a pickle, funniest shit i've ever seen
Adam Gilbert retweeted
NATHAN FIELDER: This is one of the most famous comedy sketches of the last 30 years.
*Plays SNL More Cowbell sketch*
FIELDER: Now what was funny about that?
*Pause*
BERNIE MADOFF: They're a rock band.
FIELDER: Yes but what's the joke.
MADOFF: They have long hair, I don't know.
Adam Gilbert retweeted
punching houdini in the gut so hard he dies probably felt amazing. lets see you escape this you fucking freak
Adam Gilbert retweeted
ELIZABETH HOLMES: of course it worked. the lights turned on. it was on the cloud
NATHAN FIELDER: ok. but you know what feelings are, right? like you have them?
WEIRD COCAINE HUSBAND: [watching youtube at 2x speed] babe it says here the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
Adam Gilbert retweeted
We interviewed people with a financial incentive to lie to you about the housing market. Here’s what they said
These NYC apartments are standing empty, not because the owners don't want to rent them, but because rent stabilization laws prohibit them from charging enough to earn back the costs of necessary repairs.
My latest for @WSJFreeEx
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TELL HIM, LARRY?!”
Larry David Saw O.J. Simpson at a Country Club the Day Nicole Brown Simpson Was Killed
According to a new biography, the 'Seinfeld' showrunner and Simpson both ate breakfast at Riviera Country Club on June 12, 1994.
rollingstone.com/tv-movies/t…
Adam Gilbert retweeted
I don’t think you have a dog in this fight but if you did you would have shot it.
I’ll take @ellalangleymsic over Kacey Musgraves any day.
And if I’m choosin’ Texas, I’ll take Ken Paxton over James Talarico.
Adam Gilbert retweeted
This is how like a haunted evil child talks in a horror movie but it's Paul McCartney
Paul McCartney, 84, claims he can 'remember being born' as he recalls hearing the 'clanging of forceps' after his delivery trib.al/Xw38WaC
Adam Gilbert retweeted
Ambassador Thornhill, welcome to the team. I’m proud to have such a dedicated leader join us as Ambassador-at-Large to Monitor and Combat Trafficking in Persons. Human trafficking is a grave human rights issue and a transnational crime exploiting men, women, and children for profit. We will continue to go after traffickers, protect survivors, and deliver justice for the American people.



























