CMC HOOPS

Three years ago today. I write this not to ask for any “great jobs”, or “great to hears”. But in a hope that if someone is at the beginning of a scary journey similar to this one, you can use this as fuel for belief that it can get better, even when it seems like it won’t. On April 28th, 2022, I woke up like it was another normal day. Earlier than usual, as it was a business trip. Later that day I had planned on here to post a final Twitter poll for a D3 Arena bracket. The winning school, Elmira College, had hosted a pseudo “press conference” about the “title game” poll the night before, how cool is that! I was tired on this morning, but mostly felt fine. Had a few cups of coffee and powered through. 6 hours later it all changed. In the middle of a Wegman’s Grocery Store in a suburb of Philadelphia I began to feel weak, everything looked bright, and I felt like I hadn’t eaten in years. My ears ringing, slowly losing vision, then black. I had a Grand Mal seizure for 5-10 minutes. Next thing I can “remember” is being in an ambulance, unable to recite my full name or address from memory. Black. Then being rolled on a stretcher to go get a Cat Scan. Black. Somehow back in a hotel room, unable to move on my own with an injured back, watching the Phoenix Suns in the playoffs & the NFL Draft. Yet, that was somehow the easy part. I spent the next 18 months getting no more than 3-4 hours of sleep at night at best. Short term memory was almost nonexistent. Couldn’t listen to music at all without trigger. Couldn’t go in a grocery store without being scared for months. A grocery store😂. Was not allowed to drive, or cycle (I love to bike) for a long period of time. Truly did not feel like myself for that entire 18 months. Just a ball of anxiety waiting for the next terror. Multiple panic attacks every day. In the middle of an airport, in a Target, around family, alone, etc. Thankfully, medication has contained my seizure problem. I do not have some long term condition that cannot be fixed, but many are not that fortunate. It can be an isolating battle, often deemed a bit rare even. If you suffer from a seizure disorder, or just a one off, you can understand. But if you have not, you may have your own version of a “seizure” in your life. A struggle that can take over your mind or body, or both. Impact you or take you away from the things you love. Depression, addiction, grief, etc. Everyone is going through something. And that is the point of this novel on a social media app. That everyone is going through something. If you have gotten this far you are either resonating with this message, or are someone who cares, or both. 18 months unable to recognize yourself is a long time. Your struggle may even be longer than that. You are not alone. There is someone that loves you. There is someone that understands the struggle. But it is TOUGH to be vulnerable. Most people can’t do it. I get that completely. If you are in a good place in life right now, bravo! Consider using that extra strength today to reach out to someone, just to check in. If you’re at a low point, do the best you can to hang in there. It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to be sad, mad, depressed, whatever it is you’re feeling. Just know you can get through it and don’t give up. As difficult as that sounds. I believe in you, and so do those around you. Trust. Have a fantastic week, and tell someone you love them!