Carter Patrick

just met a cute girl at this wedding i’m at like actually cute. objectively dangerous face card. we’re talking. vibes are immaculate. she’s laughing at my jokes. i’m in my bag. then sports get brought up, she says it “i watch football” my ears PERKED up i played it cool. i said “oh nice, what’s your team” she said “i’m a giants fan” and that’s where a normal person would’ve said “cool, me too” and gotten her number but i am not a normal person my brain instantly went into terminal mode and i said “what do you think of the team?” she looked confused i kept going “Darius Slayton as our WR2? Are you kidding me. Matt Nagy as our OC? Did you see what he did to Patrick Mahomes? Our franchise qb and franchise edge rusher hate each other. And we traded away our superstar DT” she laughed nervously and said “what” and i said “And don’t even get me started on Cam Skattebo basically trying to get himself injured” she said “what” and i said “so do you even follow the team” she said “I literally have a Darius Slayton Jersey” the vibe was GONE just vanished. Just like Daniel Jones in primetime. her friend pulled her away. she didn’t look back. i was standing there alone at a wedding holding a drink i wasn’t even sipping, doing MENTAL MATH on how someone could claim to be a giants fan and think this Darius Slayton deserved that contract. my cousin walked over and said “bro she looked into you what happened” i said “she’s a casual” he said “so?” SO??? i then realized i would rather cut off my entire family than to share a bloodline with someone of the same species that couldn’t comprehend this she had a pretty face but a DISGUSTING perspective on life that i just couldn’t get behind could’ve had her number she could’ve been the mother of my children COULD’VE. but now at least she knows i know ball and honestly that’s worth more