@DaddyJew

https://xitter.cf/t.co/Khbo6khxhO

 Baltimore, MD
Joined November 2011
  • Tweets30K
  • Following1.1K
  • Followers38.8K
158Media
“i'm a top" "i'm a bottom” Yeah, that’s how a horse costume works pal
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𝕛.
@jordijointsOct 23
tattooed women suck dick better
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Leave me alone so I can eat a bag full of Olive Garden breadsticks in peace.
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Matty@bestestnameOct 24
I would be more optimistic about things getting better if they weren't getting worse
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i've abandoned three cars in the walmart parking lot. that's how i was raised
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[post apocalyptic wasteland, the last two human beings alive] Me "Hi" Her "I have a boyfriend."
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Welcome to your 40's... you get your cardio walking in and out of rooms forgetting why
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You wouldn’t like me, i’d make you laugh and have way too much fun
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the crockpot be talking to white girls like the green goblin mask
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Darla
@ddsmidt10 Jul 2017
A woman's hearing intensifies as a natural response to a man muttering under his breath.
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shy@shysliaOct 23
do i fucking look sexually active
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I already have big plans to do nothing tomorrow.
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Sabrina
@neu_rot_icOct 24
had a dream i fell asleep on someone's chest and every time i would move they would play with my hair and tell me to go back to sleep
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do you want to go look at the sky about it?
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If you try hard enough, almost any food can fit into the toaster
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Pia Nacar@Kimgee8Oct 23
Social media: Here's a product you absolutely don't need.
Me: Add to cart.
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"You're only one medical emergency away from bankruptcy" - bitch, I'm one flat tire away from bankruptcy, wtf are you talking about?
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SeaShell@DianeP89Oct 22
Traffic is much more tolerable when you’ve made the best playlist ever.
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Covie
@covie_93Oct 22
Zelensky has become more fluent in English in four years than melania in 30 years.
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DaddyJew@DaddyJew27 Jan 2015
Librarian: can I check you out? Me: sure [spins around] Librarian: I meant your book Me: oh yea, that makes way more sense
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