I feel happy, I feel healthy, I'm a human being.

Joined January 2026
DervishSimulator🐧 retweeted
I’m in the clear ✅
misogyny checkpoint: what’s the first tweet that shows up when you search “women” on your page ?
8
56
1,534
12,211
DervishSimulator🐧 retweeted
If you saw how I clean yogurt off the foil lid, you’d stop playing hard-to-get.
1
2
17
346
DervishSimulator🐧 retweeted
Choombata I’m gonna keep it an eddy with you. Daddy is gonked off the sauce
9
34
542
DervishSimulator🐧 retweeted
Gurdjieff is entering the public consciousness and the consequence of neo-pagan larpers and spiritually illiterate tech bros getting their greasy, grasping hands on his teachings will be inconprehensibly dire. (Last time we got Himmler btw)
2
2
5
281
DervishSimulator🐧 retweeted
How newly obligated Entered Apprentices feel when I get to be Musician during their initiation:
5
2
40
1,251
SMARTSCHOOLBOY9 IS BACK! Aaaaaaaaaa
1
63
"Got any games on your phone?"
Was on the fence with iPhone Duo. But will definitely pass on the $2,000 phone after it failed: ▫️dirt test (gets stuck in hinge and magnetic closing doesn’t work) ▫️lighter test (inner screen can’t handle 10 seconds of direct flame) ▫️bend test (OLED screen gets line defect)
3
111
DervishSimulator🐧 retweeted
back in 2016 pewdiepie could bro-fist your girl and there was nothing you could do about it
2
9
197
DervishSimulator🐧 retweeted
H3 drama and Billie eilish breast reduction surgery flooding my timeline, I can only assume the banks have recently failed and a nuke just dropped
19
67
1
1,728
16,949
Me at 11 having my neurons rewired to like corpse baddies.
2
1
5
152
DervishSimulator🐧 retweeted
我的女朋友是日本人,一般日本成女都会在逼逼上面长一个小草丛。但是我每次吃逼的时候都会感觉长了个小胡子,相似于某某德国画家,所以每次吃逼的时候都感觉在和希特勒亲嘴。
2
3
276
Hitler’s Eagle’s Nest is currently on fire - what does this omen mean?
1
2
4
171
Too early to say at the moment but Roberto (Real name) one of the Italian Sims, was just found hanging beneath blackfriars bridge in London. Will update here
1
3
125
DervishSimulator🐧 retweeted
Passing out at 8pm after putting my precious children to bed. I wake up in the middle of the night with guilt for all my blessings, self hatred for all my sins, and obsessive thought which has plagued me since childhood, but finally I find forgiveness for myself and the world. All will be saved. Now wide awake, I roll over and check x, the everything app, it opens on my fyp, and the first video is an insanely fat woman eating ribs and slapping her belly. The next video is a guy washing poop out of his own ass with his pee. The third is of a live streamer laying on his couch soaked in gasoline playing with a lighter until he self immolates and the whole chat goes “bro hell no!! 😭 why bro doing that!!” Finally, I feel myself drifting back to sleep… I am relaxed… I do not fear what waits for me in dreams…. For all hell’s creatures have been captured in the device in my pocket… God be with you
113
460
17
6,526
171,441
They don't want you to know I look like this and talk like this
It's Just Basic Human Empathy O algo
2
70
DervishSimulator🐧 retweeted
ai-
352
894
400
7,068
1,254,779