When you can predict how every rep from @FlyFrontier is going to respond because you've been dealing with it for three weeks

Hey @FlyFrontier care to explain why your customer service team has ghosted me for three weeks after you lost our bags? I've now spent over 5 hours on your online chat only to be told there's no way to contact the actual people I need to talk to

If we're to learn anything from Mambo No. 5 it's that Lou Bega is just really into white girls.

It's currently 83.86 degrees in Washington DC

Test tweeting from the Twitter API

And for my grand return to Twitter after a 3-year hiatus, I'd like to remind everyone that Busta Rhymes was the voice actor for the Reptar Wagon in The Rugrats Movie.

Going to the bar in your hometown is like watching the track your life would have gone down if you had dropped out of high school

And thus begins the season of "What the hell is this white boy doing wearing shorts it's 30 degrees out."

Caricatures are great if you're ever wondering which of your physical insecurities are the most glaringly obvious to a stranger

Horse girls are really just cat ladies with money

Tried to catch a firefly but it got away from me and then I watched it immediately get eaten by a bird so yeah my day is ruined.

Things I hate: 1. Lists 2. Irony 4. People who don't proofread 5. Redundancy 6. Redundancy F. Inconsistency

Unsettling cat on the back of a trailer going up 85 #BMGT370

We heard it again does this count twice @danielkaufman16 #BMGT370