Eli Terry

my stupid fucking kids forced me to go to this all inclusive beach resort. Now aiden is bringing me a mai tai what the fuck

2014: rob delaney followed me. hell yeah, im gonna make it big. 2020: I use this website to find out when the president is dead

sarah huckabee sanders is your problem now, assistant managers at dress barns

we couldn’t NOT find crimes. We would reverse uncharge him if we didn’t not want to! Heehee im mueller and youll find the opposite answers in me riddles!

peasant one: did you hear? bran is our king now! peasant two: so cool! Hey can you help me scoop the charred corpse of my kid into this wheelbarrow

boss: you’re fired for drinking heineken at work me: actually, it’s non alcoholic heineken boss: ok now you’re fired and going to psychopath prison

haha look how happy it makes him to tell a kid santa isn’t real. pure delight

I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS

first day in prison bill cosby should walk up to the biggest guy there and say zip zop zubitty bop pudding pop

most of my followers are long dead, but any pals here on strava? Im a plain dad so my options for hobbies were grilling and trail running

finally found a hat for my horse

too many people in mumford and sons

lebron, if I can give you one piece of advice about LA it is that everyone here is fake and they all want something from you. for instance, give me 2 million dollars bitch