Filipe Freitas

I’ve been quiet lately. One thing to know about me is that I frequently have the need to disappear from the world and keep to myself for extended periods of time. This has been one of those times. My personality type is a bit of an all or nothing one. When I have the energy, I can be ON and I pour everything I have into my passions. This attribute has enabled me to consistently reach my goals and make progress toward my dreams. But it also has negatives as well. In my focus and dedication, I neglect care of my mind, heart, and body. I also become so focused on giving to my passions that don’t have much left for the important people in my life. The energy given out and a lack of prioritization on replacing that energy and filling my heart results in burnout. When that is compounded on top of my depression and anxiety, that is when the need to disappear arises. In addition, I’m just not a very social person. I keep a small circle. I talk to few. Despite making some wonderful connections and having meaningful experiences, I despise social media and feel that it has a net negative on society. And while I am authentic and vulnerable in my interactions, there’s a pressure to be performative in order to capture the attention in a social economy. In short.. social media works against a lot of the things that I value and find comfort in and it’s very very difficult to survive and keep up. I am an artist. I am an empath. I strive to add value to the world and to lead with love and gratitude. I feel my emotions deeply. My values are important to me and are deeply engrained into how I navigate my life and this world. These past few months have been some of the most challenging of my life. Personal struggles with my mental health and the “Russian roulette” of medication management have taken so much of my energy that I have had little to give to the parts of my life that fill me up and make me feel happy and grateful. But the tides are starting to shift, the ebb is nearing a flow, and the excitement around my photography and my life in general is starting to percolate to the surface. I’m starting to figure out how to untangle this knotted ball of yarn. I still have a ways a go, but I can feel the changes happening. It’s a constant game of back and forth, trying to figure out how to best balance my responsibilities, my desires, and my needs. But I also know that this is a pattern and that eventually I’ll be back to where I’ve been. I can only hope that each time I’m here I learn a few things to carry with me so that I can learn to deal in more healthy ways and be a better person on the other side. If you read this far, I appreciate you and your time. Thank you.