I’ve been stealing my wife’s clothes, staring into the mirror and singing ‘Reflection’ from Mulan to myself as I whimper and cry.
Normal HowlingBobby retweeted
Stroking my shit in a curious manner (bystanders would later describe it as "disturbing" and "unbecoming of a man")
When girls fart and it goes up the front does it make that “clint” thingy flap like hair in the wind?
Normal HowlingBobby retweeted
An Indian man chased me down after I crossed the street while walking on the sidewalk. He asked, “Did you cross because you think I stink?”
I said “No, I saw the black guy walking behind you.”
Normal HowlingBobby retweeted
We STILL here, we STILL fucking, cuz u know u can’t keep a couple big backed wiggers down fo long befo we finna git back UP 💵🔥🙏🏻😫🔫
Normal HowlingBobby retweeted
My therapist asked me to draw my ideal partner. I sketched with the brushwork of a Renaissance muralist: no wants, no opinions, no face that could hold eye contact. She suggested a houseplant. I had tried one. It died of neglect, which segued nicely into my next point about women
Normal HowlingBobby retweeted
I told my Mexican (I think he’s Mexican) gardener he was “basically family,” then watched him eat lunch in his truck while I ate mine on the porch, home-style, forty feet apart, with the sprinklers on. That’s close enough, cabrón.
Normal HowlingBobby retweeted
"Mr. President, city people are voting for a democrat, you might want to sit down"
"Oh my God, Its actually never been so over. Its the most over its ever been. But everyone knows my overs are the most overs."
Normal HowlingBobby retweeted
I keep a spare key to my ex’s place “for emergencies” and have been manufacturing them.
Normal HowlingBobby retweeted
My husband and our au pair are in Paris right now and he is not picking up my calls. Very concerned the rioters may have gotten them
