porous/freak
Salty Spitoon
Joined September 2026
- Tweets847
- Following209
- Followers504
- Likes5.3K
HowlingSponge retweeted
In 9th grade, we had to make an anti-bullying video. I got paired with 2 Mexicans and an autistic Black kid. The Mexicans rob him, he runs to me yelling “OFFICUHH, DEM MEXICANS STOLE MY BAG!” and I get into a shootout with them. I do a badass roll-and-shoot, kill the last guy, then die when he falls on me with his knife. The video ends with the Black kid looting my body and stealing my wallet.
HowlingSponge retweeted
Asking my Black coworker what the Ebonics translation is for “pantied, sissified, and caged” and he’s just staring at me like I have three heads
HowlingSponge retweeted
I was gonna watch this but since Hunter Schafer doesn't have a penis anymore I could care less
HowlingSponge retweeted
The cultural bridge between Mexican men and fat white girls is their love for Looney Tunes t-shirts.
HowlingSponge retweeted
Moonwalking everywhere I go after Michael Jackson sexually assaults me because it gives me a sense of control over my assailant
HowlingSponge retweeted
Looking at missing persons flyers and getting jealous at how much more sleep they’re probably getting than me right now.
HowlingSponge retweeted
My first fight was Day 2 of kindergarten. A kid told me I was never seeing my mommy and daddy again so I slapped him and he hit me so hard I flew out of my Velcro Batman sneakers.
HowlingSponge retweeted
Putting stuff out for a yard sale and my nephew found an old phone. He was turning the dial in a circle and wondered why it didn’t have a screen. I snatched it out of his grubby hands. “Nigga this is a rotary”
HowlingSponge retweeted
I’d walk through the infernos of a hundred Palisades fires for a woman who loves me exactly as I am, provided she’s nineteen, quiet, thin, and unaware of what I do here on Twitter.
HowlingSponge retweeted
An Indian man chased me down after I crossed the street while walking on the sidewalk. He asked, “Did you cross because you think I stink?”
I said “No, I saw the black guy walking behind you.”
HowlingSponge retweeted
My dad once lied about having experience to get a side job as a dogcatcher. He quit on his first day after a golden retriever bit his penis.
HowlingSponge retweeted
Laying in the field during harvest season wearing my best camo. I stare into the mouth of the thresher. If I had someone to separate the seed from my husk things might be different.
HowlingSponge retweeted
They say a dog is the only listener who hears your deepest flaws and mistakes without judging you. I poured my heart out to my dog and found him trying to tie his leash to the doorknob.
