justAmanda retweeted
If there’s one thing we can all agree on it’s that the first Saturday watching football without political ads is going to be glorious
justAmanda retweeted
Cris Collinsworth- “I accidentally ate some weed gummies the other day. Man, I couldn’t walk for 4 hours. My wife had to carry me to bed with a tarp like a rehabilitated manatee going back to the ocean.”
Tirico- “Daniels scrambles for a gain of 3”
justAmanda retweeted
“I know someone who had a litter box installed at her school.” No you don’t.
“I know someone who uses abortion as birth control.” No you don’t.
“I know someone whose kid went to school and came home a different gender.” No you don’t.
“I know someone who voted twenty times in the same election.” No you don’t.
“I know an undocumented immigrant getting free housing, healthcare, and groceries.” No you don’t.
justAmanda retweeted
Women, the reason you can have a credit card in your own name and don’t need a man’s signature to open a bank account is because of Gloria Steinem. RIP to this queen.
justAmanda retweeted
Tomorrow it will be especially difficult to tumble out of bed, stumble to the kitchen, and pour myself a cup of ambition
justAmanda retweeted
Trump held a national address to admit that in 2020, his administration covered up Chinese influence in US elections.
justAmanda retweeted
Sending in the main expert because no one else can figure out what the issue is.
justAmanda retweeted
If we ever get a Black president again, I want him or her to have a cookout right on the front lawn of the White House.
A Blackity Black ass cookout.
justAmanda retweeted
Doctors say that fluoride helps build strong teeth. A guy who snorts cocaine off toilet seats and takes raccoon penises home for “further study” says it causes autism. For busy parents, it can be hard to know who to trust.
justAmanda retweeted
I didn’t even need anything from the grocery store, I just came to hear some Gin Blossoms.
justAmanda retweeted
The loudest sound ever heard was in a volcano erupting in Krakatoa in 1883. The second loudest was my mum asking what size bra l wear in Kmart...
























