Meri from Alberta

A Muslim, a trans Neo-Marxist, Mark Carney, Mark Wiseman, and a cowboy walk into a bar. The bartender looks up, shakes his head, and asks, "What is this, a globalist roundtable or a hostage situation?" The trans Neo-Marxist slams their fist on the counter and yells, "We are here to deconstruct the systemic, heteronormative hegemony of this establishment!" The Muslim nods politely and says, "I am simply expecting a clean glass, respect for my tradition, and a quiet table." Mark Carney steps up, smooths his tie, and says, "If we restructure the bar's capital allocation, mandate a carbon offset on every pint, and align the tap list with ESG metrics, we can achieve net-zero hangovers by 2050." Mark Wiseman pulls out a ledger and adds, "And if we leverage the public pension fund to buy out the brewery, we can privatize the profits, institutionalize the risk, and charge the patrons a management fee just to stand on the floorboards." The cowboy—settled on the end stool, dust still on his boots—takes a slow sip of black coffee, pushes his hat back, and looks the four of them over. "Well," the cowboy says, "the Neo-Marxist wants to burn the saloon down, the Muslim wants to build a wall down the middle of it, and the two bankers are fixin' to sell the roof out from over all our heads while chargin' us rent for the rain." The bartender slides a fresh bottle of rye down to the cowboy and asks, "So what’s the verdict, Tex?" The cowboy leans in, spits into the spittoon, and says: "The verdict is, you fellas can talk all the managed theory you want... but the second you try to brand a free man's herd, you're gonna find out how fast this range gets unmanageable."