@MomOnFire

Smooth like nitroglycerin. Fourth Quarter Perfomer. Literal nightmare of a person.

 San Antonio TEXAS
xitter.cf/search?q=from%3A%40momonfire%2Fexclude%3Areplies
Joined February 2011
  • Tweets132K
  • Following1.7K
  • Followers75K
1.3KMedia
I want this Twitter account to outlive me by 100 years. I want my grandchildren to read my Tweets and say, "Holy fuck. She was so weird."
37
963
24
1,889
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHater11h
You life isn't a joke. Jokes bring people joy.
1
28
90
1,359
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHater16h
Hey, my boyfriend and I noticed you from across the bar and wondered if you'd like to join our doomsday cult
3
30
73
2,016
“Stacey’s mom has got it going on.” Bro, she’s in her late seventies you sick fuck.
2
10
46
1,523
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Sasquatch 🇨🇦
@saskwatchewanOct 27
Permit the Frog, his by-law enforcing cousin.
1
3
10
422
Every day I get the rundown on the high school theater department, and let me tell you, it’s dramatic.
4
4
1
28
1,054
I’m entering my bitter old hag era.
9
13
75
1,667
I have a visceral reaction to whimsical behavior and that reaction is uncontrolled vomit.
3
3
15
1,011
My kids: Mom, you spoil that dog. Me: Yes.
3
6
55
1,383
Oh my god the moon.
3
5
1
52
1,291
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
barrel rolls@barrel_rollsOct 26
a beautiful woman named final notice keeps trying to contact me
3
32
177
2,708
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Horatio Quartzjixler@QuartzjixlerOct 21
It's a good thing that I have never been given access to an arena's t-shirt cannon because I would aim for people no more than six feet away from me who aren't paying attention.
3
54
1
138
3,127
I’ve got $8 cash, which makes me motherfucking KING of the bin store.
1
7
56
1,290
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
barrel rolls@barrel_rollsOct 26
being literate is getting exhausting
4
37
1
135
2,768
The Monday yoga teacher is smoking hot. Her classes are insanely hard, and she has no mercy. Afterward we lie on the mats in the dark and she softly talks about practicing detachment. This is my drug.
2
5
54
1,507
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Horatio Quartzjixler@QuartzjixlerOct 26
Heimlich maneuver - abdominal thrusts to dislodge an object caught in someone's airway (frequently used). Heinrich Himmler maneuver - abdominal thrusts to dislodge a chicken farmer into a career as Reichsführer-SS (rarely used).
9
15
643
Tonight my yoga teacher told the class we deserve to be seen and loved. WHAT?!
2
7
1
28
1,648
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterOct 25
Sorry I wasn't nicer to you before. I didn't realize you were hot.
1
36
106
1,998
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterOct 25
Remember finding out your teacher's first name and weaponizing it, or was I just a little shit?
3
33
77
1,928
I do know his name, but to me he will forever be the “motherfucker I watched eat a 22oz ribeye in five minutes.”
2
2
37
1,801
Load more