Open Mic Comic

Everyone I roast battle looks like a school shooter.

If I make a video about the Sebastian thing people will assume I’m already a working comedian.

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I am irrationally upset by the abundance of Jurassic Park films.

A Starbucks order can be exceptionally long.

I hate how this guy keeps interrupting and ruining the show; better ask him 90 questions…

In the past, children were parented differently.

I still pretend I see kids on leashes.

The guy who shot the healthcare CEO has unusually thick eyebrows.

Luigi is the name of both the shooter and the popular Nintendo character.

When I’m told the bar show has an intermission…

The political text messages were excessive.

Labor Day but the play on words is about being pregnant or going into labor somehow lol I thought of that.

A lady break danced poorly at the Olympics.

Redo the flier for the show so it looks like you’re headlining.

Tell the female half of the couple, “blink if you’ve been kidnapped.”

That club books me because I’m funny and NOT for my free labor.

Did you overbook your show again? Better start it late.

Cancer can be a great play on words meaning both the disease and the zodiac sign.

Kamala Harris can be intentionally confused with deceased wrestler Kamala The Ugandan Giant, especially since Hulk Hogan who wrestled Kamala, not Kamala, can be used to aid this gag.