Br.i.an

It’s going to be hotter than the surface of rhe Sun, in England, today. So make sure you use plenty of sunscreen. #sunny

Because of the shape of our planet, the furthest you can get away from anything is 12,750 kms. I felt you should know this as I just farted.

Since/because the 3 Gorges Dam (China) started operating, days are 0.6 microseconds longer if you're wondering why mornings drag on.

If you stand up for one minute, your feet will age 10 femtoseconds less than your head so for Christ's sake stay in bed! #science

Some ancient tribes used to worship the moon but they were idiots and probably high on something.

The moon is quite big tonight, or to use astronomy parlance, it's the roundy one.

Scientist: £8 billion later and the Large Hadron Kaleidoscope is finally ready. Journalist: Don't you mean 'collider'? S: Oh crap!

Try to remember that Pancake was the name of his creator. You're thinking of Pancake's Monster. #PancakeDay

I hope to be the first to send #TimPeake spoilers for #StarWarsForceAwakens

I say a planet is an object of enough mass to become a 'sphere' so Pluto should be called a planet and so should your mum. #NewHorizons

It'll be interesting, from a scientific perspective, to see if Our Dark Lord Behelzebub uses the #SolarEclipse as his moment to rise.

Einstein's Special Theory of How Tired I Am.

And so the 'War with the Machines' begins.. #CyberdineSystems #TerminatorGenisys

Breaking: @SkyNews deny existence of @NASAVoyager

That's nothing! My mum slows down time whenever I talk to her on the phone. #science

The Sun newspaper is to get rid of #page3 thus demonstrating a complete lack of understanding of how counting works. #science

I've got so many protractors I keep some at my nans' house.