i’m built like this and ontologically evil who want me

In today’s comedy episode me (passenger princess) and my gfs ex gf try to figure out how to move her manual drive vehicle (we are morons)

going out to play a soviet lesbian pilot ttrpg in what I’m dubbing a “November Kelly type activity”

I just Saw Everything and I keep muttering “Elizabeth Holmes was convicted of fraud and sentenced to 11 years in prison” as a sort of incantation to invoke reality. Also watching people have sex feels less voyeuristic than this entire exercise 11/10 no notes

If you’re a top all human connection probably feels a little bad idk why I don’t make the rules

*talking to me after I’ve had 8 beers* Would you die upon my orders? would you charge headlong into battle as merely one member of my inexhaustible legions, carrying my name in your heart? also can yuo drive me to get donair poutine I’m hungry

When I got into bed last night my half sleeping girlfriend grabbed me to snuggle, buried her head in my neck and let out the cutest lil yawn I nearly died. Like who let you be that cute?

seeing this in the new castlevania and clapping like a seal because I am a rube and he is my boyfriend

my package got stolen and the worst part is it was a really cool gift for my wife I was so excited to give her :(((

Kind giving Mina if she was white and more neurotic last night

wenches be like

and sometimes the cat is your gf :/

There needs to be an ntsb style organization that investigates after I get clocked, not to assign blame, simply to find the facts and provide recommendations to prevent it from happening again

I’ve decided to move to the east cost and become the wife of a strong butch lobster fisherwoman, goodbye all

Doing a perfect John Wick 3 quad load and immediately flipping the shotgun around to put it in my mouth

Realizing my girlfriend lives an incredibly sedentary lifestyle and I give her a lot of massages so I’m basically turning her into wagyu