Dan Sinclair

The next time you're out with your guy in a public place, keep doing what you're normally doing, but pay attention to what he's doing. You know that thing you do when you're out with your kids when they're still little & you have to watch out for them along with yourself because they can't yet fully appraise their surroundings and look out for themselves? Yeah. He does that for you all the time, nonstop, in hundreds of ways, because when you're with him, you don't so much do it for yourself. He's deliberately aware of every obstacle, every moving object, every person around you, and he's hyperaware of your position, movements, your comfort (even if he is supremely uncomfortable) and your safety. When you don't back into something or don't walk into traffic because his arm is around you or his fingertips just brushed your arm, that isn't a coincidence. There are dozens of times, every time you go out together, that you don't get hurt or embarrassed, or cause an incident yourself, because he is being vigilant enough for both of you. That's your guy treating you like you are precious to him. Most women never even notice. He probably never deliberately draws your attention to it and doesn't expect you to notice, doesn't expect you to thank him for watching out for you. He might not even consciously think about the effort he's putting in, because, honestly, it is a tiny fraction of the energy and consideration he is spending on you. I've noticed that guys do this from the time they're little kids when they're with girls around their age or younger, clear into their old age, for as long as their mental faculties allow for it. You get annoyed if you have to pick his underwear up off of the floor in the same room where the hamper is, but he is doing this all day long. And unlike you, he doesn't speak up about it unless he's actually worried that you'll get hurt if you're not reminded to be more alert. Imagine spending that much energy and attention on someone your whole life, not getting annoyed about the need, never expecting to be acknowledged for it, much less offered any thanks or reciprocation... just prioritizing someone's comfort and safety over your own, all the time, so much that on some level, you're on alert around them all the time. Now think about this: Though it's not to the same degree as the man you marry, for the average woman, most of the men you associate with every day, especially in your family, do this for you, unnoticed, without feeling put out by it because they're used to it, and without expecting anything in return. And then they have to hear all the time about how dangerous they are to you, not because they personally have done anything wrong, but because some of the threats they're protecting you from are from maladjusted human beings who share none of their personality traits, but just happen to share their gender demographic. They're not just heckled a bit with that. It's in their face, all the time, from news media, to social networks, to indoctrination in their educational environments, to meetings at their workplace, to posted rules in their social settings and hobby spaces, to discussions in their places of worship, to public demonstrations by women's organizations, to poster campaigns and songs written for their favorite genre of music and storylines in their other entertainment media... even in the advertisements intended to sell products to them. While they're hyper-focused on your safety and comfort, that narrative is coming at them from everywhere, all the time... imputations of malice, allegations of toxicity, of imposition, callousness, oafish awkwardness, predatory nature... creepiness... shaming them for being male. If that was me, and you gave me flowers or anything remotely nice, and said anything as sweet as "I was thinking about you and got you this," I'd be emotionally overwhelmed, too.