A light hearted parody account, trying to raise a smile amongst long-suffering passengers. No offence meant and not targeted at individual, hard working staff
On the train tracks
Joined November 2018
- Tweets1.2K
- Following5
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This is a **PARODY** account and 99% of tweets are purely for fun/comedy purposes, and not designed to upset or cause offence.
We have no affiliation with South Western Railway at all.
SWR Halp retweeted
Well done @SW_Halp Nearly four hours from London to Exeter and “even” in first class there are no refreshments…. Service? No!! #cannotrunarailway
SWR Halp retweeted
@SW_Help do you have any idea when your app will be working again? Trying to book tickets from CLJ to Paignton - computer says no! Looking at live updates - ditto! I presume @grantshapps and his band are aware of this week long problem @swtrains_watch @SW_Halp
DELAYED | The 1722 Service from Basingstoke to Waterloo is delayed. This is due to recent fuel shortages and delays down to large queues. ^Meg
SWR Halp retweeted
@SW_Help I left my aftershokz headphones on the 7:47 train from Waterloo to Egham. Is there anyway of finding out if these were handed in or picked up by the guard? Thank you ,🤞
ATTENTION | We will be running reduced services over the Christmas period. Thank you for your understanding.
SWR Halp retweeted
COVID-19 | All Guards and Staff will be wearing the pictured full facial masks from tomorrow. These will be mandatory for passengers too, and are available for free. Note that a £29.99 fitting charge applies. Thanks ^Donna (Chief Mask Fitter) #ClapForSWR
Everyone at SWR Headquarters completely agrees with this. We have lost around 25% of our work force as they have been blindly licking themselves (and others) clean after finishing a Bargain Bucket. ^Barb (Temporary Head of Employee Hygiene"
Coronavirus: KFC to suspend 'It's Finger Lickin' Good' slogan over COVID-19 hygiene concerns news.sky.com/story/coronavir…
SWR Halp retweeted
Hi @SW_Help carriage 74434 on the train that left Barnes for Waterloo at 14.34 makes noises like a million frogs being flattened, slowly, through a rusty sugar cane press, whilst a thousand hyenas chorus approval & drag their claws down chalkboards
Just thought you should know.
SWR Halp retweeted
Fuck me, this train feels like the driver is driving it like he stole it!! #turbulance on a train?? 😳😱 @SW_Halp – at Kingston upon Thames, London
SWR Halp retweeted
Tough luck if you are going to Bagshot, but the MD of @SW_Halp said he would stop doing this. Retweet if you find it really annoying and you only have one train an hour on your line! Or you bought a home with a metro service!!
After being delayed by a signal problem, it was decided to skip stops & cut 7 minutes from a 24 minute delay.
@swtrains_watch @GrumpNow @AdamAfriyie @michaelgove @LeoDochertyUK @EdwardJDavey @chhcalling @grantshapps @transportgovuk
SWR Halp retweeted
Amelia Adlam, Andrew’s step-sister, has paid the following trbiute to PC Andrew Harper, following the one-year-anniversary of his death.
“The hole you have left in our hearts is greater than the room left. My friendly giant, My biggest buddy and now my angel. I love you x"
SWR Halp retweeted
@SW_Help @SW_Halp @SW_Railway thanks. Another £40 trip home with @Uber because you can’t run your trains. I work in retail and spend minimum £100 a week on cabs because you can’t run a few trains. Please die of a fly infestation in your anus. You cost me over £6,5000 a year.
