@SW_Halp

A light hearted parody account, trying to raise a smile amongst long-suffering passengers. No offence meant and not targeted at individual, hard working staff

 On the train tracks
southwesternfailway.com
Joined November 2018
  • Tweets1.2K
  • Following5
  • Followers527
143Media
Well done @SW_Halp Nearly four hours from London to Exeter and “even” in first class there are no refreshments…. Service? No!! #cannotrunarailway
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Replying to @SW_Help
@SW_Help do you have any idea when your app will be working again? Trying to book tickets from CLJ to Paignton - computer says no! Looking at live updates - ditto! I presume @grantshapps and his band are aware of this week long problem @swtrains_watch @SW_Halp
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SWR Halp retweeted
JLH@mrjonnybananas6 Oct 2021
Replying to @SW_Help
@SW_Help @SW_Halp First SWT train I’ve caught in 2 yrs. Runs so late I miss my connection. Adds almost an hour to my journey. I’ll miss my lift and I’ll have to get a cab to my destination as usual. Consistent service I suppose.
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Replying to @SW_Help
@SW_Help I left my aftershokz headphones on the 7:47 train from Waterloo to Egham. Is there anyway of finding out if these were handed in or picked up by the guard? Thank you ,🤞
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Happy #Caturday xitter.cf/Mattreos/status/142345…
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SWR Halp retweeted
SWR Halp@SW_Halp12 Jul 2020
COVID-19 | All Guards and Staff will be wearing the pictured full facial masks from tomorrow. These will be mandatory for passengers too, and are available for free. Note that a £29.99 fitting charge applies. Thanks ^Donna (Chief Mask Fitter) #ClapForSWR
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Hi @SW_Help carriage 74434 on the train that left Barnes for Waterloo at 14.34 makes noises like a million frogs being flattened, slowly, through a rusty sugar cane press, whilst a thousand hyenas chorus approval & drag their claws down chalkboards Just thought you should know.
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SWR Halp retweeted
Vicky P@vjpurcell20 Aug 2020
Replying to @WhoOrderedRice @SW_Halp
@WhoOrderedRice @SW_Halp
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Fuck me, this train feels like the driver is driving it like he stole it!! #turbulance on a train?? 😳😱 @SW_Halp – at Kingston upon Thames, London
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Tough luck if you are going to Bagshot, but the MD of @SW_Halp said he would stop doing this. Retweet if you find it really annoying and you only have one train an hour on your line! Or you bought a home with a metro service!!
Rail Complainer@Rail_Complainer16 Aug 2020
After being delayed by a signal problem, it was decided to skip stops & cut 7 minutes from a 24 minute delay. @swtrains_watch @GrumpNow @AdamAfriyie @michaelgove @LeoDochertyUK @EdwardJDavey @chhcalling @grantshapps @transportgovuk
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Amelia Adlam, Andrew’s step-sister, has paid the following trbiute to PC Andrew Harper, following the one-year-anniversary of his death. “The hole you have left in our hearts is greater than the room left. My friendly giant, My biggest buddy and now my angel. I love you x"
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Replying to @SW_Help
@SW_Help @SW_Halp @SW_Railway thanks. Another £40 trip home with @Uber because you can’t run your trains. I work in retail and spend minimum £100 a week on cabs because you can’t run a few trains. Please die of a fly infestation in your anus. You cost me over £6,5000 a year.
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Replying to @SW_Help
@SW_Help I've said it before and I will say if again; Why in all that is holy are the door beeps on your trains so ear-piercingly loud. It is incredibly unpleasant and unnecessary.
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SWR Halp retweeted
SWR Halp@SW_Halp18 Dec 2018
Replying to @GCycles1 @Dannyholland912 @swtrains_watch @SW_Railway @SW_Help
Being an #SWR customer in a GIF
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SWR Halp retweeted
SWR Halp@SW_Halp20 Mar 2020
COVID-19 UPDATE | From today, all guards and on-board workers will be wearing the protective suits shown below. Please do not be alarmed. Thanks ^Jeremy (Temporary Chief of Virus Containment)
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This Airbnb labels the shit out of everything. I’m gonna document it in a Notion page but here’s a preview 😳
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SWR Halp retweeted
SWR Halp@SW_Halp21 Mar 2020
Finger Condoms now available to all passengers. These are completely free other than the £4.99 fitting fee. Avialable in two sizes; normal finger or fat finger. Stay safe and wrap up. #covıd19 ^Johnny (Team Supervisor)
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Noses 👃 out of masks, in some cases NO masks at all on passengers or even some staff. Is it compulsory or is it not? 🤷‍♀️ @SW_Halp who knows?
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SWR Halp retweeted
Kajsa@kk_liber22 Mar 2020
Sorry I've not been able to reply to anybody yet. I'm @Waterstones working now and amidst the deafening silence the staff have finally been graced with magnanimous Lord Daunt's response—tl;dr fuck you peasants, we're staying open #Waterstones #BoycottWaterstones #DieForDaunt
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Londoners DEFY social distancing measures as thousands mob Richmond Park. It looked more like a Bank Holiday Monday. @theroyalparks @LBRUT @Gareth_Roberts_ #RichmondPark #coronavirus #CoronaCrisisuk #CoronaCrisis #mothersday #lockdownUKnow #lockdown #COVIDIOT #COVIDー19
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