@SethShaffer

Always joking. Also always sad.

Joined April 2009
  • Tweets18.5K
  • Following342
  • Followers2.3K
1.8KMedia
Everybody in #Austin this morning. 🥶 #coldfront #putonasoup 57°
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Sometimes I wanna commit a crime to see how they’d describe me on the news.
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Replying to @MobVerx @SoulSistaNatl
My man said
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3yo: Dad, can you and me go to space some time? Me: I hope so, buddy! 3yo: Yeah cuz we need to check it out. We need some boots and helmets. 🚀🧑‍🚀🌙✨☄️🛸 #space #parenting
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Replying to @andymilonakis
@andymilonakis check out my game on Dreams. It’s called “Mind Police” indreams.me/dream/mtyaYpaWYX…
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hello innocent person scrolling through the timeline trying to enjoy whatever hot trash twitter is spitting out today,, may i interrupt you with this personified frozen meat Advertisement
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Look I just want my words to send psychology students scrambling to diagnose me
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Unhinged? HMU
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Opening for the @SklarBrothers tonight! This is insane!
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One of the sublime joys of Twitter is seeing that a word and several of its misspellings are trending at the same time.
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These random boys added me to a group chat for people named Garrett and I get to stay bc they’re being very kind and it’s probably the best thing that’s happened all day
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I am a music historian, and with @AdrianRMG I have researched the best-selling single of every decade all the way back to 14,000BC. Here's a thread: 2010s - Ed Sheeran, The Shape of You
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Trainer: How often do you exercise? Me: Not that often. Wait, does sex count as exercise? T: Uhhh sure. M: Ok then still not that often
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what's all this even about anyway
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Replying to @SethShaffer @Cheesecake
Don't think it could get better than this.
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Replying to @Cinnabon @SethShaffer
🤤🤤
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Replying to @SethShaffer @Cheesecake
That's pretty much what happened. 😉
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Replying to @SethShaffer
It's still a secret, Seth! Just keep entering your guesses and the website and we'll keep our cookies crossed for you 😊
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How I think my followers see me when I have a tweet that gets more than 7 likes. xitter.cf/AdamantAnarchy/status/…
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6yo daughter: He hit me and spit at me Me to 3yo son: Do we hit? Son: No Me: Do we spit? Son: No Me: Then why did you do those things to your sister? Son: (looks me square in the eyes) Because I’m a pirate. Can’t argue with that logic. #parenting
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