@_BurnsWhenIPee

my garbage https://xitter.cf/t.co/rAUWYriIyu

 boston
Joined October 2016
  • Tweets14.6K
  • Following3.9K
  • Followers14.4K
850Media
My safe word is “I wanna have your baby”
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It's not a Sunday unless you completely waste it then feel really sad around 8pm
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You'd be surprised by how much effort goes into my mediocrity.
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michelle retweeted
Chris@citehchris14 Nov 2023
sorry a man let you down again have you tried letting a follower hit
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michelle retweeted
Chris@citehchris13 Nov 2023
is he hot or is he just funny and weighs over 200 pounds
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michelle retweeted
Chris@citehchris20 Nov 2023
her being nice to you doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to have sex with you bro she likely has far more sinister plans for you
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michelle retweeted
Chris@citehchris24 Nov 2023
i hope us having sex didn’t give you the wrong impression that i like you
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If I ever have a knee replacement I hope they use flamingo knees so it will be easier to put my socks on.
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parenting classes should focus less on diapers and more on what to do when you’re sad but still have to pretend to be a tugboat
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"Dollar Store Thor" is by far the best description of Kevin Sorbo I've found.
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(being manipulated) Yayyyyyyyy
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*obligatory sundress tweet*
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if you too had to suffer a little man with a little penis but a giant ego, you may be entitled to compensation.
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The speculum, the shoe horn for the pap smear world
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Not until you return your haircut to its rightful owners, mid-90s power lesbians.
Kevin Sorbo
@ksorbs15 May 2022
Bring back masculine men.
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i mentioned that my parents have been married 40 years and my gf was like "wow, i wonder what it would be like to love someone for 40 years" and it's like, just to be clear, my parents wouldn't know
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While sleeping on an air mattress, you will go through every human emotion
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A boyfriend sounds nice because he’d go home.
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Avril Lavigne: He was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it any more obvious? Homicide detective: I’m gonna need you to try.
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