I’m the Ansel Adams of slapping a filter on pics of my lunch

Colorado, USA
Joined February 2019
Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman
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I hate Letterboxd. I will always hate Letterboxd. It's a toxic, performative place, full of tryhards and idiots. Your reviews aren't good. They aren't funny or wise. You are not erudite enough to articulate your written thoughts on a movie in a way that adds ANY public value.
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Leaving the house when it’s still dark out hurts my feelings
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Cannie Oakley: Local Cryptid retweeted
busta rhymes is the most skilled combatant michael myers has ever faced
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Cannie Oakley: Local Cryptid retweeted
Everyone talks about how surprising the Kodak camera mention in the original Dracula novel is but I hardly hear anyone mention this part of Frankenstein
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Cannie Oakley: Local Cryptid retweeted
Lead us not in to penn station
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Cannie Oakley: Local Cryptid retweeted
I really am extraordinarily funny and you should follow me
misogyny checkpoint: what’s the first tweet that shows up when you search “women” on your page ?
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Cannie Oakley: Local Cryptid retweeted
Thinking about Denver rn I dunno
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Oh
misogyny checkpoint: what’s the first tweet that shows up when you search “women” on your page ?
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Beyond bleak, and the fact that she would proudly disclose this shows how divorced tech bros like herself are from reality.
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Cannie Oakley: Local Cryptid retweeted
picked up the alcoholic mountain dew baja blast at the store today. don’t know i was thinking. guess i thought it’d be funny. now i’m half a can in, realizing i have 11 more of these, and mostly i am feeling deeply unensouled
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Cannie Oakley: Local Cryptid retweeted
“it was a joke” i know. i didnt like the joke. dont be fucking stupid
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Cannie Oakley: Local Cryptid retweeted
Ur not prepared for how long this is
POTUS: "Let’s talk about this COMPLETE AND TOTAL LOSER, Bill Maher. He’s got a Low Rated Show on equally Low Rated HBO, which was once, long ago, a Network of Quality and Excitement — But that’s all gone. It’s not “HOT” anymore! Maher’s friend and business associate, Chuck LaBella, was also a friend of mine, worked on The Top Hit Show, The Apprentice, as a “gofer” and, because of the success of that show, Number One and Top Rated on many weeks, with the Finale’ being among the Top Shows of the Year, he was automatically and quickly brought up through the Ranks of NBC, along with everyone else associated with that Historic “Happening.” The Success of the Apprentice was so great that everyone partook — It built many careers, and that is a wonderful thing. Some people say it even built my career, because I became President (I would have won without it!). In any event, over the last few years, LaBella would call me nonstop to say, “Hello,” be very nice, and tell me how much Bill Maher “loves” and respects me, and would constantly ask of me, even before I was President, for any form of meeting with Maher and, would I do his show? When I became President, I agreed to meet, after the first one, and the last one, but never agreed to do his show, which he wants me to do, DESPARATELY — It won’t happen! When I have watched the show, which isn’t often, it always ends with dishonesty, about me at least, but, who cares? He doesn’t think it was a good thing to take the Nuclear Weapon away from Iran, which shows you that he is not very smart. If I allowed them to obtain a Nuclear Weapon, the World would be a different place right now! Using Fake Polls, he also said I had my Lowest Ratings so far, “and even the Republican Party doesn’t like him,” but that’s not true. I have High Ratings and, more importantly, he said that I’m losing the support and approval of the Republican Party when, in fact, CNN just came out with a Poll showing that I’m at 98 and 99% support within the Republican Party, an All Time Record High. Ronald Reagan was at 86%. CNN’s Harry Enten also said I am “The Most Influential President of the Last Century.” CNN did another Poll at who was the Most Popular Person in the History of the Republican Party, and I won that, too, with me being at 53%, Ronald Reagan being at 18%, and Abraham Lincoln being at 8%, and these are CNN Polls, people not exactly in love with me, so, Bill Maher lied, but he lies about everything, and I believe he lied to me when I asked him, with all the applause and laughter he gets after almost everything he says, about thing that aren’t funny or even any good, what Laughter Machine does he use? People can’t think he’s funny. I didn’t know Bill, he didn’t know me, and that was OK. Then Chuck LaBella, and my friend, Kid Rock, called me incessantly about meeting with Bill Maher. My first response was, “Fellas, this guy’s a Goofball.” They said, “He wants to go down to the White House, be with you, and talk. He said you’re very smart, but you’re not into the Liberal Platform. Will you start thinking about it?” He invited himself to the White House! We had our first meeting, Bill was very nervous. He asked for a drink. He was very insecure, and he had a seriously bruised eye and nose area, as though somebody had just beaten him up — But it wasn’t me! No sooner had we had that first dinner at the White House, which is a very seductive and beautiful place, especially now that I have fully renovated and fixed it in the style which it deserves, Bill wanted to come back. The Gofer called me multiple times, saying how much Bill loves me, that he respects me more than anybody, and wants to come back for a second meeting. After ten calls from Chuck LaBella, it seemed that these guys were serious, and wanted to learn more, because their Policies are so bad, it’s ridiculous! Also, I wanted to tell Bill that he’s a major POTHEAD. He’s got to stop, it’s very bad for his health. He looked like hell this time. Bill was drunk and had alcohol in his hand as he walked through the White House. Stephen A. Smith and Kid Rock came along with him. Overall, I thought it was a good meeting. It didn’t last four hours, it lasted two hours, maybe less, and everybody was happy. We have the timestamps. I learned nothing, and felt it was a waste of time. After the first dinner, Bill Maher was friendly, I guess, everyone walked away pleased. He gave me a good first show, with lots of Laughing Machine laughter, which is a real term, but it is what it is, and then reverted back to his former self, and his old ways. I understand that. He’s doing his thing. I never took it very personally. I would always mock his Low Ratings, whenever I heard. He’s not a nice guy, and what he spouts isn’t what he believes. He has to cater to his base, which is mostly composed of Losers, and people who don’t like working. It’s why, for so long, I didn’t get another call from Chuck LaBella, and I didn’t miss him one bit. After the second dinner, Bill’s “show” was far worse than the first. He went crazy! He’s gutless, because he enjoyed every minute. Also, I am not a building a swimming pool in the White House Briefing Room, and never had any intention of doing so. I am thinking about moving the Press, and putting them in a different location, but I will use that location for very badly needed space. Bill also attacked our Great Republican Candidates, when he knows my Endorsement Record is 98% in the House, and 100% in the Senate, so how can he make a false statement like this? These Statistics are FACTS, and he should speak about them, but he won’t, because he is very unfair! Karoline Leavitt was GREAT on the show, but she started with a biased, dumb SLEAZEBAG, asking questions. She defended me, and herself, so well, but couldn’t be comfortable going against Lie after Lie. Importantly, Bill lied about all of the Illegal Voters in the Radical controlled, decrepit, and devastated State of California. Just in the last few days alone, they found 20,000, and the number could easily go to over 1,000,000. There were so many other falsehoods Bill spewed, but I won’t waste time in FACT CHECKING him. He isn’t worth it. Bill: Don’t call anymore. It’s useless, and tell Chuck LaBella not to call so much, and say how much you love “TRUMP,” and want to get together, because you’re a hopeless guy, who is just trying to cater to your small group of “fans.” You’re also a coward who is afraid to tell the truth about how well our Country is running because of your few “fans,” and how badly the Dumocrats have done, almost destroying the U.S.A. If I hadn’t won the Election, it would be DEAD! Also, turn your Laugh Machine off, it’s a joke when they laugh uncontrollably, even when you say nothing funny, and I’m going to have the Republicans not cover you anymore, because they try to talk about you as a guy who is transformative. You’re not transformative, you’re a Loser! I never watched your show much, but I will never watch it again, because it is nothing more than FAKE NEWS that America, and the World, is unfortunately subjected to. Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP"
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Uhhhh… is this good?
New Netanyahu post:
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I pay $2500/month, and more importantly… no bras allowed
Why do Millennials love staying at home so much?
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I would give oomf a kidney
“you gave oomf your number?” i’d let oomf do unspeakable things to me
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Cannie Oakley: Local Cryptid retweeted
So she’s an 11
she’s a 10 but all she talks about is horror movies
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I can’t wait until election season is over
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Got so frustrated with a friend that I had to go sit in a hot tub about it, like… no I don’t want to talk, I want to become soup, actually
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Cannie Oakley: Local Cryptid retweeted
You know how adults spell words around kids if they don't want them to know what they're talking about? I had an uncle who would do that, but he'd spell the wrong word. He'd be like "y'all wanna go to the G-A-R-A-G-E and smoke some weed?"
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men's shoulders are under sexualized
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