Thameslink Excuses

If you can understand the concept of time as a non-linear entity, you can understand that nothing is really delayed or on time. #thameslink

RT if you've been waiting so long that you can't feel your hands! PARTY TIME! #thameslink #DorisDay

Today is #thameslink Christmas! HAPPY #DORISDAY to you all. Enjoy the ice cold cancellations, on the house!

Please note that we are running an alternative timetable this morning, by which I mean everyone is still in bed as it's too cold #thameslink

PASSENGER ANNOUNCEMENT: All trains are on time right now and will be until forever. #alternativefacts #thameslink

Delays because I AM BECOME SNOW, DESTROYER OF WORLDS **maniacal laughter** #thameslink

Unfortunately your "happy new year" wishes from #thameslink have been delayed due to trains and ice and stuff.

UPDATE: We are trialling new marmite ticket machines at #StAlbans. Please wipe your hand on our toast as you enter the station. #thameslink

Don't forget about #MeetTheManager at #StPancras this morning. Here's a pic of who's here today for #southern and #thameslink :

Fine. We'll do some trains but we'll be cancelling others at random for no good reason. #thameslink

Remember trains? They were rubbish. We aren't entertaining their legacy ANY MORE. #thameslink

It begins. *rubs hands with glee* *laughs maniacally* YOU WILL BE OURS. THERE WILL BE NO REASONS. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA #thameslink

Bring your own pitchforks, peasants. #thameslink teapaw.org/TLRailUK/status/808341…

We've seen the future. It does not work out well for you. Do not use the trains, or they will be late. #thameslink

Delays due to all staff having an alarm clock issue at the EXACT time they were supposed to get up. Not our fault. #thameslink

ALL SERVICES CANCELLED because someone keeps putting googly eyes on our trains. This is worse than graffiti. #thameslink

He shoots...HE SCORES! 👏👏👏 #thameslink teapaw.org/CaptMikeYates/status/8…

Delays due to an overrunning epic battle scene between two noblemen's illegitimate sons. #thameslink

PLEASE NOTE that our guards are equipped with Nerf guns, and they're not afraid to use them. #thameslink

**immediately melts and drinks an entire tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter** 😱 #thameslink