@TheBoydP

I’d rather be working on my yard. I retweet regular people, more tweets are in Highlights and here: https://xitter.cf/t.co/i666KlIDUh

 Houston, Texas
xitter.cf/TheBoydP/timelines/999980342877487104
Joined August 2012
  • Tweets1.1M
  • Following17.9K
  • Followers101K
113Media
Introverts have fun too, we just don't care if you know...
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@TheBoydP9 Feb 2022
All I’m saying is, if I was alive when it happened then it’s current events not history.
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@TheBoydP23 Jan 2022
Interviewer: Any questions? Me: What’s the difference between a PIN and a password?
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@TheBoydP10 Jan 2022
You’ll never be the center of her universe if you’re always the center of attention.
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@TheBoydP13 Dec 2021
Welcome to your fifties, certain songs you’ve liked since they came out are considered the best of all time now.
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@TheBoydP26 Jun 2022
Horrifying if literal: foot locker
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@TheBoydP26 Dec 2021
If anyone needs a New Year’s resolution, I can loan you one from the long list my wife gave me.
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@TheBoydP30 Oct 2022
Not to brag but I don’t need a soup spoon to eat soup.
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@TheBoydP4 Apr 2022
Pro tip: Never mention the ugly lamp in your house to your wife.
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@TheBoydP16 Aug 2022
The longer you’ve been married, the quicker you know you’re in trouble, mere seconds for me.
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@TheBoydP6 Apr 2022
Welcome to your fifties, you chase your chaser with a chaser now.
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Darla
@ddsmidtOct 24
You can't even say the word “alcoholic” without sounding like one, especially when you’re drunk.
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meghan
@deloisiveteOct 23
Telling my family I identify as an Airbnb guest so I can stop doing chores
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Nicki💗
@AwkwardAndOddOct 23
Bought low calorie ice cream by mistake. It tastes like sadness in a tub.
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Cooper Lawrence@CooperLawrenceOct 23
It’s awesome being Gen X. We have no gray areas we are either vegans or meth addicts
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Cooper Lawrence@CooperLawrenceOct 24
Anyone know how to dress for a low of 37 and a high of 84?
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Darla
@ddsmidtOct 24
I am going to fall back so hard next weekend.
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Ghostface Kryllah@kryzazzyOct 23
If I ever have to get knee replacement surgery, I’m gonna request bees knees, I hear they are the best
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inspector ratchet@_hood_mona_lisaOct 22
ate six Reese’s cups and my Apple Watch asked if I’d been in an accident
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Nicki💗
@AwkwardAndOddOct 22
Baths must be deeply unsatisfying for tall people. I may not be able to reach stuff or see what’s on the top shelf of the kitchen cupboard but at least I can lie down and float around in the tub like a little mermaid whenever I feel like it.
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your other mom
@difficultpattyOct 22
If you enjoy weird smells, teaching might be for you.
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