Vanilla Scott

You know what dawned on me about the theatrical experience? The projection, sound, shared experience are great. But people underestimate value of entrapment. Meaning once you're in, you're likely to stay and let the story work. At home, I would've turned Marty Supreme off so fast

If I ever became a trillionaire the very first thought that would enter my head would be "Holy shit, I can finally afford beef jerky."

When beards went from cool throwback to, now, fuzzing up 90% of American male faces I found it kinda of surprising because it's such an IDGAF vibe. And honestly, ok. Most people don't GAF anymore. In 20 years they went from style choice to sweat pants for your face. @jonstewart

I told the @WNBA I would watch every game this season and the WNBA was like "Oh yeah? FUBO." I was like "WTF is FUBO?" They said "We don't know, but all the good games are gonna be on it." I said "On what?" "FUBO." "What's FUBO?" "No one has the slightest idea." Maybe next season

If you wanna hear a great b-side by The Sugarcubes, check out "Blue-Eyed Pop." That is all.

When you pull the third-to-last Kleenex out of the box, it grabs the final two, yanks them out with it and throws them on the floor. And Kleenex knows it. THEY FUCKING KNOW IT!!!!!!!!

A glen is a valley and a dale is a valley so the genius that name Glendale was like "Just call it ValleyValley." Ok chief. Good call.🙄

I just had a bagel and cream cheese with the block-style of Philly and holy fucking shit that "whipped" cream cheese needs to be banished to hell forever. Not even close to being the same product. I'm block 4Lyfe now.

Shouldn't we have a holiday for the guy that invented glass? He's like "I took some sand and turned it into invisible force fields you can see thru and drink from." We were like, "Cool...next." And don't say it could have been a woman. Invisible force fields is dude shit all day.