SCOOP up now @washingtonsun from @JasJWright and @jstein_sun : The White House is weighing mass pardons for junior staff washingtonsun.com/whitehouse…

My ex had a morning wood ritual and I haven't found anyone since who does it… Every morning without fail, she'd wake up, feel me against her, and whisper “presenting for inspection?” in this fake formal voice. Then she does this thing where she slowly pull the covers down, look at it, and either say “APPROVED” or “needs work.” If it was “approved” she'd take care of me immediately. If it was “needs work” she'd make me earn it by going down on her first. I never knew which one I'd get. Sometimes I was already throbbing and she'd still say “needs work” just because she wanted my mouth. I miss the unpredictability. The teasing. Current dating scene feels like everyone just grabs it mechanically or ignores it. She made it fun.

i’d be choking on that net like a sea turtle

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