Amy Solomon

My boyfriend just now: “Would you live here? In Roku City?”

modern romance: my boyfriend has never seen Dancing with the Stars but just offered to also text CONNOR ten times to 21523 💕

The old man next to you on a plane can find a movie to watch that no one on earth has ever seen before

Sometimes a hoodie can make you feel like the coziest person in the world and sometimes it renders you the nastiest slug to ever slither

My friend got a Pap smear from a Minion on October 30th

When they ask you to put your carry-on in the size checker thing cus they’re trying to force you to check it but then it fits perfectly you should be permitted to yell SUCK MY DICK

Had to use a band aid from our first aid kit today and felt bad for using up the first aid kit and then had a huge realization… that’s what it’s for

Dear @Pringles these are called “short kings” in our household, tap us in on the rebrand

I am angry at Ethan Klein for what he has done because it has forced me to find out who he is

Sinkholes are a waaaay bigger concern in my adult life than I was expecting that’s for sure

Can we opt out of being told how many surgeries Shohei needs? Just do them and don’t tell us

Every day has become a minefield of people you love horrifying you with how much they’re using AI

a very bad and painful sport. Will make shrine adjustments for Saturday

A lot more wedding communications need to be happening via email because where on earth is the small piece of paper you sent me 6 months ago with a 50 character Zola website printed on it

The ringtones that emerge from a Broadway matinee crowd mid-show do not exist anywhere else on earth

When you’re a second baseman but you’re on second base as a runner, are you like “omg I’m at my favorite spot”

People talk about women’s biological clock making them want kids all of a sudden and I haven’t experienced that but I am about to be 35 and out of nowhere can only think about Dancing with the Stars. Feels similarly biological

Some amaaaazing bedtimes start with the number 8

Why are you, as a man, sneezing like that