DATING 101!!! Non-negotiables before marriage!!! The whole idea behind dating intentionally and taking your time before putting a ring on it is so that your marriage does not to break you. Marriage is a serious decision and choosing the wrong partner or rushing into it can affect more than just you. It will affect your children too. When a marriage ends in divorce, the emotional wounds follow everyone involved, including the children, who often grow up carrying unresolved trauma. This is why you should never joke with the dating phase. Take your time to know the person you intend to spend your life with. Pay attention to their character, values, habits and how they handle conflict. Look beyond attraction and ask yourself if this is someone you can genuinely build a life with. And more importantly, never lie to yourself!!! Date with the mindset that you want to get it right. This mindset helps you set healthy standards, ask honest questions and assess your relationship objectively rather than allowing emotions to make every decision for you!!! Do not build a life with someone you cannot imagine being happy to share the same space with twenty years from now. Can you grow with this person? Can you resolve disagreements with respect? Do you share the same values, priorities & vision for the future? Again, marriage is not something you should enter carelessly, thinking you can simply walk away when things become difficult. That is why dating is the time to identify incompatibility and make difficult decisions before your lives become deeply intertwined. Looks may attract you, you might even get hailed for marrying that perfect shape, height or looks spouse. But genuine desire, consideration, character, shared values, respect & emotional maturity are what sustains a marriage. You do not have to agree on everything, but you should be aligned on the things that matter most. And what matters most?! - Values and beliefs: What principles guide your lives? What do you believe is right and wrong? You may not agree on everything, but your core values should not constantly conflict. - Faithfulness: What does loyalty mean to each of you? What do you consider cheating? What boundaries should exist with friends, ex-partners and other people? Would you marry more wives when you get richer? Would you sleep with someone else for rent? Never assume you share the same definition without discussing it. - Life goals & lifestyle: Where you want to live? What are your career ambitions? How do you view work, household responsibilities, intimacy and personal growth? Are you building towards a future that makes room for both of you? - Children and parenting: Do you both want children? How many? How will you raise, discipline & educate them? You should discuss the kind of home you want your children to grow up in. - Money & Financial responsibility: How do you view spending, saving, debt, giving & financial planning? Are you a “my money is my money” person? Do they see money as a tool or love money than they love you? - Family boundaries & In-laws: How involved should your families be in your marriage? Can you both set healthy boundaries and protect your home from unnecessary outside interference? - Conflict resolution & Communication: Is violence a problem-solving method you believe in? How do you handle disagreements? Can you apologise, listen, take responsibility and resolve issues without insults, manipulation, threats or abuse? Take your time, ask the difficult questions and groan the truth from their responses and how they currently lead their lives. Observe actions, not just words. Give yourself the chance to know the person beyond the excitement of being in love. The goal is not just to get married, it is to build a marriage that is healthy enough to last, peaceful enough to nurture you and stable enough to give your children a safe place to grow. Your future and the lives of the children you bring into this world deserve that much!!!