The world from my perspective
Maine, USA
Joined October 2009
- Tweets14.6K
- Following586
- Followers1K
- Likes11.6K
This is obviously satire.
"A FRESH batch of crullers at Dunkin Donuts."
Learn to spot the tells people.
LOCAL MAN SENTENCED TO 12 YEARS AFTER OFFICER SPOTS SLIGHTLY DIMMER HEADLIGHT
SCARBOROUGH—Local man Arthur Pendelton was sentenced to 12 years in a maximum-security prison Monday after a routine traffic stop revealed his left headlight was emitting 4% fewer lumens than required by federal safety guidelines.
"This could have plunged the entire county into a dark age of unmitigated anarchy," said Police Chief Bradley O’Malley. "We had no choice but to deploy the tactical unit and throw away the key."
Meanwhile, across town at the local Sam’s Club, a heavily armed gang of forty “new Mainer” looters drove a stolen bulldozer through the front windows, emptied the corporate safe, and set fire to the deli.
Police declined to investigate, citing a fresh batch of crullers at the neighboring Dunkin' Donuts and noting that property crime is a complex, systemic issue.
District Attorney Jennifer Vance later issued a tearful apology to the looters for the "unconscious microaggression" of having a police cruiser parked within three miles of the active crime scene.
Chris retweeted
Everyone who got rich moving manufacturing to China (and the Chinese Communists) want to use the midterm results to dismantle the tariffs that are forcing reindustrialization. That would be a terrible mistake. Keep the tariffs on. Bring back manufacturing. Watch the economy grow.
The first party that makes healthcare affordable is going to lock in Independent loyalty. Democrats are favored to win.
