cggalloway 🇺🇸 (@cggalloway) header
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Northeast Texas
Joined January 2010
Photo by cggalloway 🇺🇸 (@cggalloway)Photo by cggalloway 🇺🇸 (@cggalloway)Photo by cggalloway 🇺🇸 (@cggalloway)Photo by cggalloway 🇺🇸 (@cggalloway)
It would help if I’d added the video where Jimmy Carr dealt with questions and hecklers!🙈🙈 He’s at his best imo when doing this.
Jimmy Carr dealing with hecklers and questions from the audience is a fine watch.👏 His spontaneous interactions are often better than his written stuff imo.🫡
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There was once a shepherd who found a wolf caught in a snare at the edge of his pasture. The wolf begged to be freed. “I was hungry,” it said. “That is all. Spare me, and I will remember your mercy!” The shepherd cut the rope. The next night, three lambs were gone. Again the shepherd found the wolf. Again it pleaded. Again the shepherd convinced himself that mercy was proof of his goodness. By winter, half the flock was dead. An old farmer finally asked him, “Why do you keep freeing it?” The shepherd answered, “Because I refuse to become cruel.” The farmer looked at the empty field and said, “Then understand what you have done. You were not merciful to the wolf. You were cruel to everything that trusted you to keep them safe.” That’s the lesson. Mercy without judgment isn’t virtue. When someone openly intends to destroy what has been entrusted to you, endless forgiveness doesn’t make you righteous. It makes everyone behind you pay for your vanity.
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Norm Macdonald told a story on Conan in 1996 that takes several minutes to reach a punchline about a turtle. The setup sounds ordinary. A drunk man walks into a bar and wants to throw a dart. But Norm isn't just telling a joke. He's teaching the audience how long they'll follow him before they realize where he's taking them.
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Haven’t seen my friend in 30 years! Crazy story from our past!
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The Castro regime has profited at the expense of the Cuban people with luxury cars, expensive watches and a private island resort. As I shared this with the world, regime thugs rushed the stage to interrupt my speech. They can intimidate their own people in Cuba but think again about trying that nonsense in the United States of America.
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Nagasaki August 9 1946
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The Riemann Hypothesis is the most famous unsolved problem in mathematics, and it is a claim about where the primes hide. A $1 million prize has waited for the answer since 2000. Computers have checked more than 10 trillion cases and found no exception. Let me explain it so even non-mathematicians get the "wow" moment. 🧵
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Imagine you are a dental hygienist and live in Sweden.. You are employed to help “migrant children” with their dental issues. As part of your job you examine the wisdom teeth development of the kids and you notice that 80% of those “kids” have fully formed wisdom teeth, implying they are not kids at all but adults older than the age of 18. You tell the Swedish Migration Agency and they advise you to put it in writing. When you send exact details, with examples of specific patients you are suspended, investigated and fired for disclosing private information relating to patients. This happened to Bernt Herlitz in 2017. When he appealed the unfair dismissal he ultimately lost and was fined about $50,000. He and his family faced financial hardship and almost lost their home, until some generous benefactors raised money for him. Bernt remains unemployed today, despite staff shortages for dentists in his area in Gotland. At the time, Sweden scoffed at the tests and claimed they were “discriminatory” but since then they have quietly brought in mass dental testing, for those whose age is in doubt, by the National Board of Forensic Medicine. Bernt deserves a medal. Not vilification and unemployment.
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We Asked AI If AI Could Be Dangerous
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If you're a fan of dry comedy than Steven Wright is the one for you. He made his name in the 80s with his crazy one-liners. I personally think the man is absolutely hilarious. I believe he was also known as guy on the couch in the movie half baked. 🤣🤣🤣
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A teenager phoned Pan Am and said someone had stolen his pilot's uniform. Pan Am sent him to its tailor and billed the $289 to its own payroll. His name is Frank Abagnale. He ran away from home at 16 with no job and no money, and says nobody would pay him more than $1.50 an hour. So he told employers he was 26. Then he began writing personal checks on a bank account with nothing in it. Shops took them. The uniform needed an ID card. He bought a model Pan Am plane, softened the decals in water and pressed them onto a blank card. By his own count he flew about 3 million miles and reached 82 countries. Hotels accepted his checks because airlines had agreed to cover crew checks up to $100. He was convicted in France, then Sweden, then the United States, and he served his time. In the video below, you see him explain the uniform call and the decal ID himself, on The Tonight Show, as the studio audience laughs and then applauds. Watch for the line about shopkeepers: "Most people don't realize how gullible the average storekeeper is." Banks later paid him to teach tellers how to spot a bad check. Is hiring a man convicted of passing them smart security, or the wrong lesson?
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Jimmy Carr calls the Paris Riots out for what they actually are, I wholeheartedly agree with him on the sinister reason for them too.😡 Orchestrated riots.
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cggalloway 🇺🇸 retweeted
Are you going to make us do your job all night. His answer is gold.
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Whoever is actually producing these shorts is killing it. The solipsism one I saw yesterday was great too!
The #FemaleRationalisationHamster explained. The name for the tireless little engine in a woman’s mind that retroactively justifies whatever she already FELT like doing. This explains almost everything about female psychology in as simple a format as possible:
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Myron Gaines and a Student Clash Over ICE Deportations
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Do you know what's a CAPTCHA and what does it mean? And why can't a robot pass a CAPTCHA test? [📹 Australian Broadcasting Corporation / WTFAQ]
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Something’s been weighing on me. I have to talk about this, even if some of you won’t agree; it's time to say it straight. I also want to share the clip, so think for yourself.
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🎬 Recorded in December 1964, this unforgettable two-minute performance was captured in one unedited take—no cuts, no tricks, just pure talent. Every note had to be perfect. Decades later, its raw authenticity remains captivating. ✨
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Classic Norm: reward the patience, kill the punchline, leave Conan and the audience wrecked.
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